Suing My Soon to be ex Husband in Singapore

[Shalinee]

Hi,

I am from India, in my late twenties, I got married 2 years ago to a person who'd been working in Singapore on an Employment Pass for(then)7 years, he was in his early thirties.

After my marriage, I found out from his & his parents unreasonable behavior that something was amiss- we later learnt that he had azoospermia(zero sperm count, making him infertile) & deep depression due to this condition, & they'd intended to blame me for being infertile.

I am on the verge of divorce now, we come from Chennai, in South India, from conservative affluent families.

The problem is that, although he & his mother had mistakenly admitted(rather blurted out) the problem, I could not record their evidence, hence I have no proof.

I have got all possible medical tests done on me, to show I am perfectly fine, I am willing to undergo any tests again, if needed, anywhere in the world.

My family is extremely annoyed at their treachery, his parents are claiming that this is a case of "incompatibility" whereas this was a case of clear fraud, as they knew their son's medical condition beforehand.

He is still in Singapore on an EP, his PR application has been rejected 4 times. I stayed with him on a DP for 7 months, now my DP has been cancelled but of course I can enter Singapore anytime on a tourist visa.

I want to sue him in SG & make him undergo a fertility test there on the Court's orders, I do not want it done in India as this is a very corrupt country & its possible to fake things easily, besides my FIL is a well known politician in Chennai & he can easily produce false medical certificates through bribing/faking/impersonation.

[rajagainstthemachine]

It's sad that they didn't disclose the fact that your husband he was infertile before the marriage, but here are some things to ponder over.

1. do you love him? can you continue living with him despite him being infertile? there are other ways to have kids as well, adoption, donor sperm etc etc.

2. If you don't want to live with him anymore ( pretty evident from your post) then I'd suggest you get a good lawyer and take legal action in India itself.

3.My opinion with the legal system in India is not great, if you want to get out of this whole situation rather quickly, with the help of a good lawyer you can have a divorce in say about six months time by mutual consent of course, otherwise this will drag on and on endlessly.

[AngMoG]

Hi,

I have to ask what you possibly want to sue him for? What do you hope to gain from it - monetary compensation? Know that lawyers in Singapore are quite expensive, and that this is not the US - so the monetary compensation may not be all that high.

I would say get a divorce and move on; in any case, you should get some settlement out of it - his infertility should be reason enough to get one. I am not too familiar with the procedure in Singapore though, so maybe one of the more experienced members can chime in on this.

[Shalinee]

It's sad that they didn't disclose the fact that your husband he was infertile before the marriage, but here are some things to ponder over.

1. do you love him? can you continue living with him despite him being infertile? there are other ways to have kids as well, adoption, donor sperm etc etc.

2. If you don't want to live with him anymore ( pretty evident from your post) then I'd suggest you get a good lawyer and take legal action in India itself.

3.My opinion with the legal system in India is not great, if you want to get out of this whole situation rather quickly, with the help of a good lawyer you can have a divorce in say about six months time by mutual consent of course, otherwise this will drag on and on endlessly.

Hi,

Do I love him? Absolutely not, I cannot love cheats & liars. I do not want to continue living with him. Here's the thing, they're not "magnanimous" enough to consider even adoption, let alone donor sperm.

He is the only child & he's decided to donate everything to charity. That way they'd appear "big hearted" & noble. They'd conveniently blame it all on me, I know the kind of people they are, that was their plan.

I cannot imagine them considering donor sperm(proposed it to them, as well as adoption) & I don't see any reason to be with this family of cheats forever.

As you said, the legal system in India is long winding & unreliable & corrupt, maybe it'd be 12 years before I get justice there & by then, I may well have become infertile due to age.

I know he's infertile, he's admitted it to me, I want medical evidence & its best to test him in SG as its a non corrupt country, his father might very well produce fake documents in India.

[Shalinee]

Hi,

I have to ask what you possibly want to sue him for? What do you hope to gain from it - monetary compensation? Know that lawyers in Singapore are quite expensive, and that this is not the US - so the monetary compensation may not be all that high.

I would say get a divorce and move on; in any case, you should get some settlement out of it - his infertility should be reason enough to get one. I am not too familiar with the procedure in Singapore though, so maybe one of the more experienced members can chime in on this.

Money isn't the issue, I want to expose them for what they did to me as they pretend to be these goody goody people.
It would also be easier to get correct medical evidence in SG v India.

[rajagainstthemachine]

This is a wild idea but how about taking his sperm to a testing center and getting a report, be tactful when doing it.
find a way to convince him to take a fertility test in Singapore.

[Strong Eagle]

F*ck him, save a sperm sample from your creampie, then ask yourself what your vitriolic and hate filled attitude is going to do for you?

[Shalinee]

This is a wild idea but how about taking his sperm to a testing center and getting a report, be tactful when doing it.
find a way to convince him to take a fertility test in Singapore.

It wouldn't be possible anymore. After we've found out, we're no longer living together so its next to impossible to do this.

He won't take one, he's already got himself checked & tested in SG as well some years back, so he told me as they were hoping SG with its advanced medical technology would be able to cure him.

[Shalinee]

F*ck him, save a sperm sample from your creampie, then ask yourself what your vitriolic and hate filled attitude is going to do for you?

Strong Eagle, my family & I were cheated, it was an arranged marriage, they knew everything yet they hid such important info, what do you think my attitude should be towards them?

[nakatago]

F*ck him, save a sperm sample from your creampie, then ask yourself what your vitriolic and hate filled attitude is going to do for you?

Strong Eagle, my family & I were cheated, it was an arranged marriage, they knew everything yet they hid such important info, what do you think my attitude should be towards them?

Sincere question for Indians:

Is that part of the whole arranged marriage thing? Parents arrange their children to ensure continuing the bloodline? Is that what the dowry is for?

If it is, I would have thought that whoever does the arrangements would also check fertility. Surely, someone expecting children to result from the marriage would want to ensure that.

[AngMoG]

Hi,

I have to ask what you possibly want to sue him for? What do you hope to gain from it - monetary compensation? Know that lawyers in Singapore are quite expensive, and that this is not the US - so the monetary compensation may not be all that high.

I would say get a divorce and move on; in any case, you should get some settlement out of it - his infertility should be reason enough to get one. I am not too familiar with the procedure in Singapore though, so maybe one of the more experienced members can chime in on this.

Money isn't the issue, I want to expose them for what they did to me as they pretend to be these goody goody people.
It would also be easier to get correct medical evidence in SG v India.

If money isn't the/an issue, then better to not sue him. I understand that you feel cheated about the whole arranged marriage thing - but in a court of law (at least in SG), it would be best to show actual material damages you suffered (e.g., dowry paid for the arranged marriage if that is admissible in SG court). Loss of income would not really apply I guess, since the wife is not really expected to work in a case such as yours. you may also be able to get monetary compensation for intangible damages suffered (e.g., emotional damage, loss of years), but I would suggest you either find case law or better yet talk to a lawyer to find out if that will be possible and also if the compensation would be higher than the lawyers' fees in the end.

Revenge is not really a good basis for filing a case on its own - if the court throws it out or worse yet, decides you are not entitled to monetary damages or only much less than you paid your lawyer, you will lose quite a bit of money and time in the end. If you also file separate divorce proceedings, that may further weaken your case since the judge may decide that the other case already covers any compensation the husband may have to pay.

If you want to get back at him somewhat, do what everyone does - file divorce proceedings and try to get the most out of him during those. His infertility should make a pretty strong case there, since it was hidden to you before.

[PNGMK]

A serious answer - I would:

1. Apply for an annulment in Singapore on the basis of an previously undisclosed condition that prevents your partner from consummating the marriage (note: consummate normally means sex only but I'd argue that sex without procreation is grouns and also I'd argue that this also falls into the case of an undisclosed sexual disease which is also grounds for a annulment). The onus of proof will be on your ex to show such an issue does not exist if he wants to challenge the process - he won't do such a thing I suspect... Arranging an annulment in Singapore is very easy (although you really should have done it while resident here). You need a lawyer and google (read up on it). Singaporeans COMMONLY use this approach when divorcing PRC's who have fooled them into a non-legitimate marriage that they have no intention of consummating.

2. Using the annulment decree or paperwork you can then proceed on with your life. You have proof that the marriage was a sham and you bear no shame in it. You may be able to take this further and use it as proof for damages in court - you need to show damages to win an award. (What damages you ask? Did you surrender your virginity to him? Did you suffer a VD? Did you suffer emotional abuse - if the family is SUPER rich and has UK assets - establish residency in the UK and use their court system - but seriously finding the appropriate jurisdiction for a damages trial is going to be hard work; most courts now subscribe to the mamby pampy philosophy that we cannot treat women as property and this flows on to them being difficult about this type of lawsuit - blame the feminists who gave away your protections in the name of equality).

A final word: Infertility is one of the saddest things to suffer from; I am not surprised he and your MIL are a little psychotic as a result.

Honeslty - I'm not surprised - Indian men can be the most macho guys on the planet but then the most mummy tied ones at the same time.

[x9200]

If money isn't the/an issue, then better to not sue him. I understand that you feel cheated about the whole arranged marriage thing - but in a court of law (at least in SG), it would be best to show actual material damages you suffered (e.g., dowry paid for the arranged marriage if that is admissible in SG court). Loss of income would not really apply I guess, since the wife is not really expected to work in a case such as yours. you may also be able to get monetary compensation for intangible damages suffered (e.g., emotional damage, loss of years), but I would suggest you either find case law or better yet talk to a lawyer to find out if that will be possible and also if the compensation would be higher than the lawyers' fees in the end.

Finding a lawyer is definitely the thing to do, but as of the first part above... I don't know - this is a local culture that make children a substantial part of the retirement plan so I would expect the whole situation may be seen in the court as much more severe and money related than we perceive it here.

[x9200]

A serious answer - I would:

1. Apply for an annulment in Singapore on the basis of an previously undisclosed condition that prevents your partner from consummating the marriage (note: consummate normally means sex only but I'd argue that sex without procreation is grouns and also I'd argue that this also falls into the case of an undisclosed sexual disease which is also grounds for a annulment). The onus of proof will be on your ex to show such an issue does not exist if he wants to challenge the process - he won't do such a thing I suspect... Arranging an annulment in Singapore is very easy (although you really should have done it while resident here). You need a lawyer and google (read up on it). Singaporeans COMMONLY use this approach when divorcing PRC's who have fooled them into a non-legitimate marriage that they have no intention of consummating.

TBH I doubt she will manage to get it null at the grounds above. Consummated is not really linked to procreation. Also the Women's Charter mentions "venereal disease in a communicable form". No way such infertility is venereal and communicable.

But if we go into this level of details I think the first question to ask is: in what country the marriage was registered? If in India then maybe something from "105" would match:
Grounds on which marriage is void
105. A marriage which takes place after 1st June 1981 shall be void on the follow[..]
(b) where the marriage was celebrated outside Singapore, that the marriage is invalid —
(i) for lack of capacity; or
(ii) by the law of the place in which it was celebrated.

[JR8]

my family & I were cheated, it was an arranged marriage, they knew everything yet they hid such important info, what do you think my attitude should be towards them?

Maybe there is something lost in the x-cultural translation...

Is attesting ones fertility a part of the pre-marriage requirements in India? Did you yourself go through testing to prove your fertility beforehand, and if not how do you know that you are?