A Democrat congressman vrs a little girl

[sundaymorningstaple]

A Democratic congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane. He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care or the economy when you don't know crap?"

Then she went back to reading her book.

[sundaymorningstaple]

In 2012, more money was spent on boob jobs and Viagra than Alzheimers research.

In 40 years time we'll all be walking around with perky boobs, stiff willies and we'll have no freakin' clue why!

[sundaymorningstaple]

A man received a message from his new neighbour from India:

"Sorry sir, I have been using your wife day and night when you are not present at home -- maybe using more than you are using. Now I feel very much guilt. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies."

The man shot his wife...

A few minutes later he received another message:

"Sorry sir, spelling mistake....
wifi not wife.

[ecureilx]

In 2012, more money was spent on boob jobs and Viagra than Alzheimers research.

In 40 years time we'll all be walking around with perky boobs, stiff willies and we'll have no freakin' clue why!

or was you who said "no idea who paid for the enhancements .. "

[sundaymorningstaple]

What enhancements?

[sundaymorningstaple]

....and who are you?

[ecureilx]

....and who are you?

Lol

reminds me of a lousy Joke

A guy walked into a bar and the bar tender said "we don't serve Time Travellers"

The guy said "Can I have a beer ? I am a time traveler .. "

[the lynx]

....and who are you?

Lol

reminds me of a lousy Joke

A guy walked into a bar and the bar tender said "we don't serve Time Travellers"

The guy said "Can I have a beer ? I am a time traveler .. "

I thought it was supposed to go like this:

The bar tender said, "We don't serve time travellers."

A time traveller walked into a bar.

[rajagainstthemachine]

Hear about the Dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa

Hear about the Dyslexic Agnostic ? He sat up all night wondering if there was a dog

[sundaymorningstaple]

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"