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Dealing with the helper being late drunken on her off day

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x9200
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Postby x9200 » Wed, 15 Oct 2014 9:27 am

@ecureilx, it's all about assumptions and a lot of them have been made in this thread including your post. What I said earlier was based on the OP's opinion about the maid (being good in general). I know it is very difficult to find a good maid so I would be inclined to give her some credit rather than immediately starting to speculate what kind of whore she might be and whether she is that irresponsible to try to handle intoxicated my kids. If I had reasons to believe that what she does is anything beyond spending her time with her bf who buys her a beer or two, she would be fired immediately.

It is a classic double edge sword argument, and to your post and wife's opinion one could say: you trust her that much to let her take care of your kids and live together with her under the same roof, yet you don't trust she would behave when going out in her free time. What kind of logic is this?

As I mentioned It goes two ways, you can try to figure out a bit further what kind of person is she and what are her reasons or to fire her with all the consequences including a very real risk of getting someone even worse.

(a typo corrected)
Last edited by x9200 on Wed, 15 Oct 2014 9:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Fortan » Wed, 15 Oct 2014 9:42 am

I can share a kind of similar story, although our maid was not drunk when she returned it has similarities.

Our maid had Sundays off and I always told her that she could come home whenever she felt like it but I never wanted to see a change in her performance on Mondays. She needs a life too (I feel). Then one Thursday she comes to me and asks me to get the Saturday off and I say, sure but then you have to work on Sunday. Her reply was some mumbling and a no at the end. I then said directly to her - looking into her eyes - I can't give you both days off in a row and she left to her room. Friday I specifically told her she couldn't have the Saturday off and she said "okay sir". Saturday morning I wake up early and can hear she is up just as early and just as I exit our bedroom, there she is on her way out the door and I say, where are you going. OUT is her reply.... so she decided to leave without my permission. She came home at 11 that night and I had already talked to her bureau and asked her to pack her bags and go there..... I had the same issues - if she decides just to leave without my permission, I can't trust her and she was out of a job.

Funny end to the story is that 3 days later the agency called me to ask me for a recommendation for her.... I had a hard time being gentle about that and told the f... off....

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Postby ecureilx » Wed, 15 Oct 2014 9:48 am

PNGMK wrote:Good post ecureilx. You're right in that the problem is not just here but the country of origin.

I had a maid friend in OMan. She was paid about OMR90 a month - that's about SGD270 per month. She took care of a 12 room house with 8 people in it and worked 14 hours a day. She was there for two years and was expected to cover the OMR600 exit tax herself. She had it hard, my FDW doesn't.


while I do agree to the saying, 'when the buying stops, the killing stops .. ' .. for some scenarios, when they don't have a willing seller, there is no willing buyer is more appropriate

in a recent hoo ha about maid abuse, in a forum frequented by maids, a few maids dared Singaporeans to live without a maid, and one went on to say that they are here because Singaporeans begged for maids .. Yah right.

Life here will not shut down minus a maid, or they will find another source, but in the maid exporting countries, that will be a big disaster !!!

Reality strikes .. !!!

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Postby ecureilx » Wed, 15 Oct 2014 9:55 am

x9200 wrote:@ecureilx, it's all about assumptions and a lot of them have been made in this thread including your post. What I said earlier was based on the OP's opinion about the maid (being good in general). I know it is very difficult to find a good maid so I would be inclined to give her some credit rather than immediately starting to speculate what kind of whore she might be and whether she is that irresponsible to try to handle intoxicated my kids. If I had reasons to believe that what she does is anything beyond spending her time with her bf who buys her a beer or two, she would be fired immediately.

It is a classic double edge sword argument, and to your post and wife's opinion one could say: you trust her that much to let her take care of your kids and live together with her under the same roof, yet you don't trust she would behave when going out in her free time. What kind of logic is this?

As I mentioned It goes two ways, you can try to figure out a bit further what kind of person is she and what are her reasons or to fire her with all the consequences including a very real risk of getting someone even worse.


yes, subjective

then again, if you ask her what she did beyond a beer, or if it was for benefits, wouldn't that be invading her privacy ?? :D and from what I have seen, a beer or two is not for discussing the Bible ;)

as for trusting the maid, I would expect more trust / respect in return, after all, as I said before, if you don't trust the maid and install CCTV etc, you shouldn't have a maid in the first place.

or if you suspect the maid of neglecting her duties as agreed, then she should be fired. or warned and fired

I may go and say how much trust you should have on a female, away from home, with a thousand temptations and a few of her friends going Single-in-Singapore path, and enough youngsters willing to shower enough affection on a lonely heart, but definitely with not expecting nothing in return etc.. but it may divert the original topic ..

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Postby x9200 » Wed, 15 Oct 2014 10:47 am

ecureilx wrote:yes, subjective

then again, if you ask her what she did beyond a beer, or if it was for benefits, wouldn't that be invading her privacy ?? :D and from what I have seen, a beer or two is not for discussing the Bible ;)

I don't. It's her business. She should be clear about what she can and what she can not do, that's all. It's a tricky part but people are seldom perfect so sooner or later something may surface (if the case). And if any such line is crossed, it's all over.

as for trusting the maid, I would expect more trust / respect in return, after all, as I said before, if you don't trust the maid and install CCTV etc, you shouldn't have a maid in the first place.

If I hire a maid I don't fully trust her. She is just a stranger. This would be neither natural nor expected to trust someone immediately and any employee is here a victim of the circumstances. Trust needs to be build and cctv can help in it.
But if I don't trust the maid because she did something wrong she will be fired and she will not stay because there is a cctv in my place.


or if you suspect the maid of neglecting her duties as agreed, then she should be fired. or warned and fired

I may go and say how much trust you should have on a female, away from home, with a thousand temptations and a few of her friends going Single-in-Singapore path, and enough youngsters willing to shower enough affection on a lonely heart, but definitely with not expecting nothing in return etc.. but it may divert the original topic ..


If she returns at 8pm this risk is still there. I was recently surprised with some parts of Chinese Gardens converted to Lucky Plaza No 8 and some other parts, in middle of the day, being populated by various couples clearly seeking some suitable places.

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Postby ecureilx » Wed, 15 Oct 2014 11:01 am

x9200 wrote:
ecureilx wrote:yes, subjective

then again, if you ask her what she did beyond a beer, or if it was for benefits, wouldn't that be invading her privacy ?? :D and from what I have seen, a beer or two is not for discussing the Bible ;)

I don't. It's her business. She should be clear about what she can and what she can not do, that's all. It's a tricky part but people are seldom perfect so sooner or later something may surface (if the case). And if any such line is crossed, it's all over.

as for trusting the maid, I would expect more trust / respect in return, after all, as I said before, if you don't trust the maid and install CCTV etc, you shouldn't have a maid in the first place.

If I hire a maid I don't fully trust her. She is just a stranger. This would be neither natural nor expected to trust someone immediately and any employee is here a victim of the circumstances. Trust needs to be build and cctv can help in it.
But if I don't trust the maid because she did something wrong she will be fired and she will not stay because there is a cctv in my place.


or if you suspect the maid of neglecting her duties as agreed, then she should be fired. or warned and fired

I may go and say how much trust you should have on a female, away from home, with a thousand temptations and a few of her friends going Single-in-Singapore path, and enough youngsters willing to shower enough affection on a lonely heart, but definitely with not expecting nothing in return etc.. but it may divert the original topic ..


If she returns at 8pm this risk is still there. I was recently surprised with some parts of Chinese Gardens converted to Lucky Plaza No 8 and some other parts, in middle of the day, being populated by various couples clearly seeking some suitable places.


totally agree with you ..

btw, why 8 PM ?

on Sundays, by mid day, East Coast park has enough tents populated fully, and some have parties in full swing by that time, and by 2 pm, drunken fights, men fighting with men and women fighting with women, starts off ... ;)

not in a bad way, but since the compulsory off day rule kicked in, people have to go somewhere, unlike before where a fair majority didn't have that right .. (and in turn, the natives starting to wonder where the heck so many come out from, on Sundays .. )

btw, unlike olden days, where by 4 or 5, the crowd thins, now even 8 pm to 9 pm, the Sunday tea dances are packed in some bars !!!

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Postby Hannieroo » Sun, 19 Oct 2014 2:14 pm

I don't think drinking particularly equates to "working". Two beers bought herself might be enough to get tipsy.

Everyone has their own take on what the rules mean. But ultimately they are yours and she isn't complying which suggests you are not a good fit. An employee that point blank ignores you is probably disregarding instructions elsewhere too.


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