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Dealing with the helper being late drunken on her off day

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tooslow
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Dealing with the helper being late drunken on her off day

Postby tooslow » Mon, 13 Oct 2014 1:06 pm

Hi, all

I am writing to ask any good opinion how to deal with my helper being late drunken on her off days.

According to the contract, she should return home by 8pm. But it's ok as long as she comes back by 10pm since I understand she needs some fun.

Recently, however, she often returns home after midnight, even slept over outside and came back the next day early morning around 6.

I told her not to be that late, and lastly warned to let her go if this happens again, but she came back around midnight again. It's been like this over 2 months. It seems she is clearly expressing no intention to return home on time.

Apart from this, she's normally good and diligent. While I'm away to work, she takes good care of my kids, and kids like her too.

Now I'm this close to find a new helper, but I would appreciate to hear some good suggestion you have on this issue. I'm not sure if finding a new one is the best option, but at the same time, it's not easy for me to accept her habit every week. Or do I have no right to tell her about the time on the off day?


Thanks for reading and awaiting your valuable comments.

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Re: Dealing with the helper being late drunken on her off da

Postby AngMoG » Mon, 13 Oct 2014 1:42 pm

tooslow wrote:Hi, all

I am writing to ask any good opinion how to deal with my helper being late drunken on her off days.

According to the contract, she should return home by 8pm. But it's ok as long as she comes back by 10pm since I understand she needs some fun.

Recently, however, she often returns home after midnight, even slept over outside and came back the next day early morning around 6.

I told her not to be that late, and lastly warned to let her go if this happens again, but she came back around midnight again. It's been like this over 2 months. It seems she is clearly expressing no intention to return home on time.

Apart from this, she's normally good and diligent. While I'm away to work, she takes good care of my kids, and kids like her too.

Now I'm this close to find a new helper, but I would appreciate to hear some good suggestion you have on this issue. I'm not sure if finding a new one is the best option, but at the same time, it's not easy for me to accept her habit every week. Or do I have no right to tell her about the time on the off day?


Thanks for reading and awaiting your valuable comments.


Is she a slave, or is she your employee? If the first, then of course she cannot do anything without your consent. If the latter, I do not know what right you would have to interfere with her private life, unless it has a serious impact on her work.

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Re: Dealing with the helper being late drunken on her off da

Postby x9200 » Mon, 13 Oct 2014 2:07 pm

tooslow wrote:Hi, all

I am writing to ask any good opinion how to deal with my helper being late drunken on her off days.

According to the contract, she should return home by 8pm. But it's ok as long as she comes back by 10pm since I understand she needs some fun.

Recently, however, she often returns home after midnight, even slept over outside and came back the next day early morning around 6.

I told her not to be that late, and lastly warned to let her go if this happens again, but she came back around midnight again. It's been like this over 2 months. It seems she is clearly expressing no intention to return home on time.

Apart from this, she's normally good and diligent. While I'm away to work, she takes good care of my kids, and kids like her too.

Now I'm this close to find a new helper, but I would appreciate to hear some good suggestion you have on this issue. I'm not sure if finding a new one is the best option, but at the same time, it's not easy for me to accept her habit every week. Or do I have no right to tell her about the time on the off day?


Thanks for reading and awaiting your valuable comments.


What is wrong for an adult to come late and have a few drinks in her free time? I would assume nothing if she still does her job well. Now the only tricky part is for you not to lose face so seat down with her and talk. Ask why she behaves like this and whether she really needs it, show understanding and generously agree for her to come a bit late and have these few drinks when she is out.

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Postby PNGMK » Mon, 13 Oct 2014 2:36 pm

Ignore the bleeding heart liberals above me..... they're too poor to afford FDW's.

The problem in Singapore is that... uhhh .... MOM makes the employer responsible for the FDW's behavior - in particular wrt to her sexual behaviour via pregnancy and STD tests and general harassment from the SPF if the FDW is arrested for drunkenness etc (who is going to have to bail her out? YOU).

I personally would not accept coming home late from our FDW because ultimately I am unfortunately responsible for her behavior, NOT because I want to control another person or treat them as my property!! The way I explained it to our FDW is that I am her Singapore "father" for all intents and purposes and I don't want anything to happen to her. She's accepted that and fortunately is a fairly shy and timid character who is happy enough to come back at 8pm.

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Postby x9200 » Mon, 13 Oct 2014 3:13 pm

The problem I see with enforcing the contract in such situation is that is unlikely going to work and the OP is generally happy with this maid. The likelihood for the OP to have the next maid better than the current one is probably below 50% based on overall performance of this group of the workers. Yes, the risk is there but so is the risk with who will be the one coming as the replacement.
Sure, if OP manages to convince the maid to come back at 8pm, this is the best, but it does not look like it's going to happen.

tooslow
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Postby tooslow » Mon, 13 Oct 2014 4:04 pm

Thanks all for the comments. And x9200, my helper can do what she wants to do during her day off, it's her business. I respect her right, but how about her duties. I have done what you suggested several times as I mentioned. But the problem is that she is only returning home around midnight or later even after several nice talks, I don't know if you read the line saying that she slept over outside and returned the next day 6am. So you mean it's also acceptable to you? For me, around 10pm is perfectly fine, but hard to understand as their right to return around midnight or later.

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Postby PNGMK » Mon, 13 Oct 2014 4:21 pm

tooslow wrote:Thanks all for the comments. And x9200, my helper can do what she wants to do during her day off, it's her business. I respect her right, but how about her duties. I have done what you suggested several times as I mentioned. But the problem is that she is only returning home around midnight or later even after several nice talks, I don't know if you read the line saying that she slept over outside and returned the next day 6am. So you mean it's also acceptable to you? For me, around 10pm is perfectly fine, but hard to understand as their right to return around midnight or later.


You're absolutely correct in your concern about her staying somewhere else overnight - that is not really permitted under the MOM rules.

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Postby x9200 » Mon, 13 Oct 2014 4:32 pm

If she does not wake up anybody and is not drunk (assuming her day off is over) than why not? I would be more concerned if she is the type that would abuse later your kindness (as you relaxed her contract restrictions). I am not sure if coming back 6am or at 10pm would make any difference as of the likelihood of her getting pregnant or anything getting herself and you into any other serious troubles.

What does she say about her late returns when you ask her?

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Postby zzm9980 » Mon, 13 Oct 2014 10:55 pm

I want to agree with x9200, but at a certain point PNGMK is right and you have to protect yourself from MOM and Singapore law.

Set her curfew to 12am officially. If she sleeps outside again call the police and report her, then deal with finding a new maid.

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Postby zzm9980 » Mon, 13 Oct 2014 10:57 pm

PNGMK wrote:Ignore the bleeding heart liberals above me..... they're too poor to afford FDW's.


Once again,you demonstrate what a douche bag you are. Thanks for the reminder, as sometimes you go for a few days without hitting the bottle and your sensible posts during that time make me forgot what you really are.

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Postby PNGMK » Tue, 14 Oct 2014 8:46 am

zzm9980 wrote:
PNGMK wrote:Ignore the bleeding heart liberals above me..... they're too poor to afford FDW's.


Once again,you demonstrate what a douche bag you are. Thanks for the reminder, as sometimes you go for a few days without hitting the bottle and your sensible posts during that time make me forgot what you really are.


And you completely fail to understand sarcastic humour.

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Postby zzm9980 » Tue, 14 Oct 2014 9:03 am

PNGMK wrote:
zzm9980 wrote:
PNGMK wrote:Ignore the bleeding heart liberals above me..... they're too poor to afford FDW's.


Once again,you demonstrate what a douche bag you are. Thanks for the reminder, as sometimes you go for a few days without hitting the bottle and your sensible posts during that time make me forgot what you really are.


And you completely fail to understand sarcastic humour.


I know sarcasm quite well and your post doesn't really qualify.

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Postby bgd » Tue, 14 Oct 2014 9:57 am

zzm9980 wrote:
PNGMK wrote:
zzm9980 wrote:
PNGMK wrote:Ignore the bleeding heart liberals above me..... they're too poor to afford FDW's.


Once again,you demonstrate what a douche bag you are. Thanks for the reminder, as sometimes you go for a few days without hitting the bottle and your sensible posts during that time make me forgot what you really are.


And you completely fail to understand sarcastic humour.


I know sarcasm quite well and your post doesn't really qualify.


Maids behaving badly and a couple of regulars having a tiff. Friday has come early. :wink:

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Tue, 14 Oct 2014 10:14 am

^^ :lol:

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Postby movingtospore » Tue, 14 Oct 2014 10:22 am

I have to agree with PNGMK. Which is harsh, but I had a maid who like to party and that went nowhere good. He is exactly right, at the end of the day the employer is the one who is held responsible for the maid's behaviour. As a foreigner you aren't going to change it.


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