Singapore Expats Forum

Third Woman in a marriage

Discuss about the latest news & interesting topics, real life experience or other out of topic discussions with locals & expatriates in Singapore.

yxgc
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat, 30 Aug 2014
Location: singapore

Third Woman in a marriage

Postby yxgc » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 1:15 am

Sorry in advance for the super long post., I just found out that my dad has a mistress (some china slut) and my mum knows but don't know how to deal with her. I know her name and hp number but Idk how to track her down, any help? I can't afford a PI and I am only 18, no license to follow my dad's car.
The situation is that my parent dk I know and I don't want them to find out I know. I got 2 younger siblings in secondary sch and they are scared (they know) and I want to protect them from getting hurt by this fiasco. Also I just got a scholarship to study overseas and I leave in 3 weeks. I want to try to at least resolve the situation before leaving. My dad keep denying (I found proof on his wechat secretly) and from their fights he seem to refuse to end it/admit. My mum is sad/angry and I think a little mentally shaken to deal with this so I want to find out who this woman is and talk to her. I know that my mum is trying to find out where she stays to stop this relationship but she is very unsuccessful. My mum is the "typical chinese aunty" with poor english, no computer skill, don't know how to use a smartphone. I can't stop my dad from communicating w her via wechat or he will get suspicious/angry. I'm hoping to find her asap before she damages our family or worse my mum somehow finds her.
I'm not immature or childish and wont pick a fight or whatever but I'm hoping to put an end to this relationship. Any help/ideas on tracking this slut down w phone number and her chinese name only? She accidentally shared her location once on wechat and it shows 488 Guillimard Road but Idk if she ives there or passing by and I know that most of the time my dad and her meet in a carpark..

User avatar
ecureilx
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 9286
Joined: Fri, 20 Aug 2010

Re: Third Woman in a marriage

Postby ecureilx » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 1:28 am

yxgc wrote:Sorry in advance for the super long post., I just found out that my dad has a mistress (some china slut) and my mum knows but don't know how to deal with her. I know her name and hp number but Idk how to track her down, any help? I can't afford a PI and I am only 18, no license to follow my dad's car.
The situation is that my parent dk I know and I don't want them to find out I know. I got 2 younger siblings in secondary sch and they are scared (they know) and I want to protect them from getting hurt by this fiasco. Also I just got a scholarship to study overseas and I leave in 3 weeks. I want to try to at least resolve the situation before leaving. My dad keep denying (I found proof on his wechat secretly) and from their fights he seem to refuse to end it/admit. My mum is sad/angry and I think a little mentally shaken to deal with this so I want to find out who this woman is and talk to her. I know that my mum is trying to find out where she stays to stop this relationship but she is very unsuccessful. My mum is the "typical chinese aunty" with poor english, no computer skill, don't know how to use a smartphone. I can't stop my dad from communicating w her via wechat or he will get suspicious/angry. I'm hoping to find her asap before she damages our family or worse my mum somehow finds her.
I'm not immature or childish and wont pick a fight or whatever but I'm hoping to put an end to this relationship. Any help/ideas on tracking this slut down w phone number and her chinese name only? She accidentally shared her location once on wechat and it shows 488 Guillimard Road but Idk if she ives there or passing by and I know that most of the time my dad and her meet in a carpark..


for argument sake, are you saying your dad is not the culprit here?

yxgc
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat, 30 Aug 2014
Location: singapore

Postby yxgc » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 1:46 am

No I'm not saying he's not the culprit, I think that he's a womanizer but I got to at least try. Also my siblings got O lvls and streaming year and I don't want this to affect them. My mum is very busy with work and mentally shaken and I'm leaving soon.. Don't want to worry about my mom and especially my siblings. If he does it again, I will know that at least I tried the first time.

User avatar
zzm9980
Governor
Governor
Posts: 6837
Joined: Wed, 06 Jul 2011
Location: Once more unto the breach

Re: Third Woman in a marriage

Postby zzm9980 » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 2:37 am

yxgc wrote:Sorry in advance for the super long post., I just found out that my dad has a mistress (some china slut) and my mum knows but don't know how to deal with her. I know her name and hp number but Idk how to track her down, any help? I can't afford a PI and I am only 18, no license to follow my dad's car.
The situation is that my parent dk I know and I don't want them to find out I know. I got 2 younger siblings in secondary sch and they are scared (they know) and I want to protect them from getting hurt by this fiasco. Also I just got a scholarship to study overseas and I leave in 3 weeks. I want to try to at least resolve the situation before leaving. My dad keep denying (I found proof on his wechat secretly) and from their fights he seem to refuse to end it/admit. My mum is sad/angry and I think a little mentally shaken to deal with this so I want to find out who this woman is and talk to her. I know that my mum is trying to find out where she stays to stop this relationship but she is very unsuccessful. My mum is the "typical chinese aunty" with poor english, no computer skill, don't know how to use a smartphone. I can't stop my dad from communicating w her via wechat or he will get suspicious/angry. I'm hoping to find her asap before she damages our family or worse my mum somehow finds her.
I'm not immature or childish and wont pick a fight or whatever but I'm hoping to put an end to this relationship. Any help/ideas on tracking this slut down w phone number and her chinese name only? She accidentally shared her location once on wechat and it shows 488 Guillimard Road but Idk if she ives there or passing by and I know that most of the time my dad and her meet in a carpark..


That location is Geylang. Is it possible she is just a prostitute and it isn't a real relationship?

Not sure what you can do either way honestly. Just try and comfort your siblings so it doesn't hurt them too much. Before you do anything to rock the boat too dramatically also realize that the boat rocking may be more traumantic than what you're going through now.

User avatar
x9200
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 9165
Joined: Mon, 07 Sep 2009
Location: Singapore

Re: Third Woman in a marriage

Postby x9200 » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 7:04 am

yxgc wrote:Sorry in advance for the super long post., I just found out that my dad has a mistress (some china slut) and my mum knows but don't know how to deal with her. I know her name and hp number but Idk how to track her down, any help? I can't afford a PI and I am only 18, no license to follow my dad's car.
The situation is that my parent dk I know and I don't want them to find out I know. I got 2 younger siblings in secondary sch and they are scared (they know) and I want to protect them from getting hurt by this fiasco. Also I just got a scholarship to study overseas and I leave in 3 weeks. I want to try to at least resolve the situation before leaving. My dad keep denying (I found proof on his wechat secretly) and from their fights he seem to refuse to end it/admit. My mum is sad/angry and I think a little mentally shaken to deal with this so I want to find out who this woman is and talk to her. I know that my mum is trying to find out where she stays to stop this relationship but she is very unsuccessful. My mum is the "typical chinese aunty" with poor english, no computer skill, don't know how to use a smartphone. I can't stop my dad from communicating w her via wechat or he will get suspicious/angry. I'm hoping to find her asap before she damages our family or worse my mum somehow finds her.
I'm not immature or childish and wont pick a fight or whatever but I'm hoping to put an end to this relationship. Any help/ideas on tracking this slut down w phone number and her chinese name only? She accidentally shared her location once on wechat and it shows 488 Guillimard Road but Idk if she ives there or passing by and I know that most of the time my dad and her meet in a carpark..


You will find her, talk to her and she will break up with him and then what? Also, a womanizer? Do womanizers womanize for relationships?
Ultimately the problem seems with your father (for a lack of any deeper insight) and the real damage is already done.

Now, you have to figure out for yourself what do you really want. Is it to pretend everything is ok till your siblings are out or to solve the problem.

User avatar
ecureilx
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 9286
Joined: Fri, 20 Aug 2010

Re: Third Woman in a marriage

Postby ecureilx » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 11:11 am

x9200 wrote:]

You will find her, talk to her and she will break up with him and then what? Also, a womanizer? Do womanizers womanize for relationships?
Ultimately the problem seems with your father (for a lack of any deeper insight) and the real damage is already done.

Now, you have to figure out for yourself what do you really want. Is it to pretend everything is ok till your siblings are out or to solve the problem.


precisely

taking it on the woman is NOT the solution if the father just gonna find another one

yxgc
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat, 30 Aug 2014
Location: singapore

Postby yxgc » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 1:14 pm

Like I said previously, I'm not planning to scream or take it out on the woman, I just wanna talk. My main reason for doing this is that my siblings have o lvls and streaming year, Id want this to affect them. Also my mom will definitely scream and frag this shit out if she finds her before I do. She's definitely not a one time thing, I read thwir conversation on wrchat. I really don't give a hoot if he does this again but just for now till November, I want peace in the family. I'm trying to be responsible here by keeping my head cool and not confronting this women and slapping her or making it a big scene. I just want to track her down before my mom somehow does or before she go ape shit crazy.

User avatar
ecureilx
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 9286
Joined: Fri, 20 Aug 2010

Postby ecureilx » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 1:41 pm

yxgc wrote:Like I said previously, I'm not planning to scream or take it out on the woman, I just wanna talk. My main reason for doing this is that my siblings have o lvls and streaming year, Id want this to affect them. Also my mom will definitely scream and frag this shit out if she finds her before I do. She's definitely not a one time thing, I read thwir conversation on wrchat. I really don't give a hoot if he does this again but just for now till November, I want peace in the family. I'm trying to be responsible here by keeping my head cool and not confronting this women and slapping her or making it a big scene. I just want to track her down before my mom somehow does or before she go ape shit crazy.


take it from me, a friendly advice

talk your father, not the woman, as i said before,

talking to the woman will only make you happy and may lead to making things complicated if word heat up to violence and 90% of the time, the 'peaceful' talks always end up in fights, from what I have seen in similar situations!!!

if you keep your house open inviting thieves, don't blame the thieves

lock your house first

if that doesn't work, then and only then you should talk to her

just my 2 cents, up to you to take it or not.

User avatar
x9200
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 9165
Joined: Mon, 07 Sep 2009
Location: Singapore

Postby x9200 » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 2:29 pm

yxgc wrote:Like I said previously, I'm not planning to scream or take it out on the woman, I just wanna talk. My main reason for doing this is that my siblings have o lvls and streaming year, Id want this to affect them. Also my mom will definitely scream and frag this shit out if she finds her before I do. She's definitely not a one time thing, I read thwir conversation on wrchat. I really don't give a hoot if he does this again but just for now till November, I want peace in the family. I'm trying to be responsible here by keeping my head cool and not confronting this women and slapping her or making it a big scene. I just want to track her down before my mom somehow does or before she go ape shit crazy.

I don't think there will be anybody on this forum willing to help you to find this woman. Your story does not really hold well and your motivations are not clear at all. If you don't care about what your father does, just lie to your siblings that your father finished with this "relationship" and problem solved. At least with the same quality solution as the one you claim you are after.

yxgc
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat, 30 Aug 2014
Location: singapore

Postby yxgc » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 3:39 pm

Teenagers are not as stupid as you seem to think. Its not your problem so you think its easy so if you don't want to help stop bringing ppl down

User avatar
x9200
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 9165
Joined: Mon, 07 Sep 2009
Location: Singapore

Postby x9200 » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 3:50 pm

yxgc wrote:Teenagers are not as stupid as you seem to think. Its not your problem so you think its easy so if you don't want to help stop bringing ppl down

You already received the best possible advice coming from 2 different forum users. It's not me, it's you.

User avatar
ecureilx
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 9286
Joined: Fri, 20 Aug 2010

Postby ecureilx » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 6:20 pm

x9200 wrote:
yxgc wrote:Teenagers are not as stupid as you seem to think. Its not your problem so you think its easy so if you don't want to help stop bringing ppl down

You already received the best possible advice coming from 2 different forum users. It's not me, it's you.


and with that kind of reply from OP I can imagine how civilized or cordial her meeting with the 'other woman' will be ...

PNGMK
Director
Director
Posts: 4855
Joined: Thu, 21 Mar 2013

Postby PNGMK » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 7:12 pm

I would suggest you find some counselling for you and your siblings first.

It's not an easy situation to find yourself in and learning to handle emotions, anger, variable outcomes will help.

If you want the name of a counsellor PM me. I'll even pay for some sessions.,

nanana
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 256
Joined: Fri, 25 Apr 2008

Postby nanana » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 10:08 pm

This is a matter close to my heart. I can sympathize with what you are going through, as I had been through similar situation.

My advice is to forget about talking to the other woman. What is the purpose of your talk? Do you think she will just back off after talking to you? Do you think she will feel for you and your family, and choose to leave your father for good? Don't be silly. We all know what all these china sluts want.

More practical way to deal with the situation is to talk to a counsellor about it, especially your mother and your siblings. You were mentioning you don't want the whole fiasco to affect them. But the damage is already done. They will have to go through it regardless your father has left the other woman or not. Here is the website for counseling session which I found rather useful:

http://www.aware.org.sg/support-services/counselling/

Perhaps you can suggest it for your mum.

User avatar
zzm9980
Governor
Governor
Posts: 6837
Joined: Wed, 06 Jul 2011
Location: Once more unto the breach

Postby zzm9980 » Sat, 30 Aug 2014 11:00 pm

ecureilx wrote:
x9200 wrote:
yxgc wrote:Teenagers are not as stupid as you seem to think. Its not your problem so you think its easy so if you don't want to help stop bringing ppl down

You already received the best possible advice coming from 2 different forum users. It's not me, it's you.


and with that kind of reply from OP I can imagine how civilized or cordial her meeting with the 'other woman' will be ...


In all fairness she is young and this is *her* life and *her family* that she seems in total chaos. Not ours. I don't expect her to immediately say "oh wow, thats good advice thanks!"


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “General Discussions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests