Parental advice

[BedokAmerican]

This might sound a bit harsh, but "lock" her in the room. This works like a charm for my son, although at 2 1/2, he's quite a bit younger than your daughter.

I suggest putting on child-proof doorknob covers (if you have knobs) so she can't escape.

If she's able to figure the doorknob covers out, and she might be if she's almost 4, get a door handle that locks from the outside.

If you get a door handle that locks from the outside, be sure and put an anti-pinch safety guard finger protector device in a high-up location on the door during the day (the type that slide on and off) to prevent the door from shutting so she can't lock anybody else in there at other times, even by accident.

I've learned with my son that sitting in his room with him won't make him go to sleep because me being in there is a distraction. If nobody is in there with him, if it's dark and if he can't get out and here's nothing to do, he'll go to sleep. Expect crying for a few days, but it won't last long if you're consistent.

I also suggest taking toys out of the room at night or putting them out of reach. Those are another distraction. The fewer things in the room, the better.

[nanana]

what about putting on bedsheet of her favourite character? it worked well for my son once I turned his bed into Iron man's bed.

and I also started it off gradually. i mean, it was a few months process. first few weeks, I slept with him in his room. so, when he woke up in the middle of the night, he would still see me there,and that gave him a sense of security that his room is safe.

then I slowly moved myself to my own room few nights a week, and during that time, I slept with both our room doors opened. so that he could feel it is still OK to come over to look for me if he wants to. Once he felt secure, he would happily sleep in his room by himself.

I think the key point here is the sense of security. you will have to think from the child's perspective. instead of insisting that it is not OK for her to come to your room, perhaps try it the other way round. let her know it is OK.
It could also be her feeling being left out as little sister is coming soon, and afraid that daddy and mommy doesn't want her anymore.

[Steve1960]

Thanks for the additional comments people.

I couldn't lock the door, just couldn't do it. It would break my heart listening to her scream and cry

nanana:

Her bedroom is my ex home office. Repainted with one wall in the candy pink our daughter chose herself. All new bedroom furniture, Frozen (Disney) bedding and pink storage cupboards for her toys. TV on the wall. She tells me almost daily how much she loves her new bedroom and hugs me. So no room to maneuver here!

I think gradually is what we are doing now. Both bedroom doors are open from the point she wakes up for her night time milk usually around 1am and if she comes into our bed any time after 4.30am we are allowing it and not taking her back to her own bed. I agree it is a security issue. She does not seem afraid of the dark at all, just needs to know Mum and Dad are there.

No jealousy issues with little sister coming. She talks about her new sister all the time and how she is going to hold her and feed her and blah blah blah. We are being very sensitive to this of course.

This morning it was 4.45am again so no 'star' today but I do feel we are making progress and thanks to all the contributors here for that.