crappy parents

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nanana
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crappy parents

Post by nanana » Sun, 24 Aug 2014 9:17 pm

https://au.news.yahoo.com/world/a/24791 ... ist-warns/

I'm sure this issue is also commonly seen in Singapore these days....the number of spoilt brats that i came across at my work place are just making me crazy!

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Re: crappy parents

Post by ecureilx » Sun, 24 Aug 2014 9:56 pm

nanana wrote:https://au.news.yahoo.com/world/a/24791 ... ist-warns/

I'm sure this issue is also commonly seen in Singapore these days....the number of spoilt brats that i came across at my work place are just making me crazy!
yesterday in a volunteer work we had an ambulance case

when the ambulance came, a small kid 5 years or so, tried to break through the cordon, pushed in and tried to get near the casualty, so he can see whatever was going on

when a cordon member stopped the kid and told him to move back, the kid gave a sad look at his father and the father said 'come on, he's a kid', till the other volunteer nearly dragged the kid to the father and told him off

the father could not figure out what he was doing wrong, and tried to let his son run back, till the volunteer loudly asked if the father is related to the victim if not we will call police for obstruction of SCDF work, and ensured they moved off immediately.

funny in a way!!!

we were amused that the father can't even rein in his own kid.

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Post by BedokAmerican » Mon, 25 Aug 2014 8:26 am

Interesting article about how parents aren't saying "no" enough.

I can't count how many times I've had to say "no" and put my kicking-and-screaming toddler in his stroller or pick him up and carry him because he was doing something dangerous and/or not listening.

Often I get dirty looks from people when this happens. So even if you say "no" and remove your kid from a situation, you're still perceived as a bad parent (at least in Singapore) because the kid is crying.

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Post by movingtospore » Tue, 26 Aug 2014 9:31 pm

In Singapore though, I often find it's the expat kids who are the most spoiled. From riding scooters through crowded malls to pitching fits in restaurants to playing tag during church services...the local kids are usually pretty well behaved in comparison. I didn't have kids for more than a few years at home, so I'm not really sure if this is an expat thing - projecting a sense of entitlement (and bad manners) on to the kids..or it's just the way it is now per that article.

I am definitely the except to the article. Annoy the crap out of my kids for being so strict but at least they know how to behave in public and at home.

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sundaymorningstaple
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Post by sundaymorningstaple » Tue, 26 Aug 2014 9:40 pm

A lot of that may be because in a number of Western countries (like the US in particular - dammit!) it's against the law to lay a hand on a child (corporal punishment) and the child can have the parents locked up (they don't realize they would then end up in foster care). So, they do as they damned well please. However, there is no such laws in Singapore or Asian in general so the kids know that mom will likely take a cane to them when they get home. Sure there are laws against child abuse, but they, like me, still believe that spare the rod, spoil the child. If done correctly, the kids don't hate you or retaliate against you, but you must be systematic about it so that they know where the OB markers are. The US has created a monster.
Life isn't about avoiding the bruises. It's about collecting the scars to prove we showed up for it!

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Post by sundaymorningstaple » Tue, 26 Aug 2014 9:43 pm

Now to wait for the incoming..... ;-)

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Post by earthfriendly » Wed, 27 Aug 2014 12:55 am

There is a wide myriad of kids' personalities as there is in parenting styles. And parents have to do what they deem fit for their kids. After witnessing the caning of my brother by my mom, I vow to never do that to my own kids. I saw the dark side (frustrations + concern + anxiety) of an otherwise loving and caring woman who works very hard for the benefit and welfare of her children and family.

It made me denounced violence and bullying at a young age :P . I had used the cane a few times and lived to hear about it from my kids. I apologized to them for what I did. I did it out of frustration and even though there was no major scarring, I wished I had dealt with the situations with a cooler head. Well............life. It is the hurt and betrayal that someone who is supposed to care and treasure you can inflict so much harm.

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Post by Steve1960 » Wed, 27 Aug 2014 7:36 am

Tough subject but there has to be a balance.

We do not often spank our daughter but sometimes she is so naughty and getting out of control we have done it.

However, we have found something else that works well although any form of discipline can be likened to torture! Quite a while ago I touched her mouth after cutting hot red chili. Even though I had washed my hands it still burned her lips and tongue. She has never forgotten the incident.

So now when she is naughty we just say 'I am going to put a chili in your mouth'. Works every time :wink:

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Post by x9200 » Wed, 27 Aug 2014 8:06 am

Steve1960 wrote:So now when she is naughty we just say 'I am going to put a chili in your mouth'. Works every time :wink:
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I also think there has to be a balance. It less matters what is the nature of the punishment but more how it fits to the kid and situation. Verbal / psychological abuse can be much more harmful than a corporal punishment.

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Post by the lynx » Wed, 27 Aug 2014 9:18 am


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Post by nakatago » Wed, 27 Aug 2014 10:11 am

Steve1960 wrote:Tough subject but there has to be a balance.

We do not often spank our daughter but sometimes she is so naughty and getting out of control we have done it.

However, we have found something else that works well although any form of discipline can be likened to torture! Quite a while ago I touched her mouth after cutting hot red chili. Even though I had washed my hands it still burned her lips and tongue. She has never forgotten the incident.

So now when she is naughty we just say 'I am going to put a chili in your mouth'. Works every time :wink:
Making corporal punishment illegal is just a challenge to parents that they have to be more creative in doling out punishment.

Just because you can't strike a child doesn't mean you can't put the fear of (insert name of your chosen all-powerful deity here) into them.

Let's admit it: children and probably a good number of you when you were children, have tried a myriad of ways to subvert being spanked if not lessen the pain.

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aster
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Post by aster » Wed, 27 Aug 2014 9:03 pm

Were the children just misbehaving? They seem to have been "accused of hitting their children for not performing their prayers." :)

Scandinavia is the strictest place when it comes to lifting a finger at kids. In Norway they will literally take the kids away and place them with "new parents," regardless of whether the family is local or foreign.

On the upside, a Swedish jail is accommodation that's above Singapore 3-star hotel standards. Not that it's any consolation for being held on a "government-paid holiday" against one's wishes... ;)

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Post by nakatago » Thu, 28 Aug 2014 6:45 am

aster wrote:On the upside, a Swedish jail is accommodation that's above Singapore 3-star hotel standards. Not that it's any consolation for being held on a "government-paid holiday" against one's wishes... ;)
No kidding; a cursory google search for "sweden jail" and the first result is "10 of the most luxurious prisons."

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Post by ScoobyDoes » Fri, 29 Aug 2014 12:07 pm

I've (so far) never hit our 8yr old. I've had to stop myself a few times but in the end other punishment is as effective, in our case. I don't say it works all the time and if things were different I wouldn't hesitate to smack if it got so bad, the option should to be there somehow.

Being firm, in both yes and no is the best way to win respect and an understanding of you do what you say you will do. Threaten to take toys away, then do. Promise an hour playing football on another occasion then do that also. Keeping your word and following through is King - there is little space to negotiate with a 4yr old and once you start down that road they push and push the boundaries over and over again.

SMS, I have to agree you to some extent that Human Rights, the fear of upsetting children, keeping their dignity (i.e. no longer even getting them to stand in the corner and face the wall during class in front of their peers) has gone too far. Sorry, if you eat mud you're not old enough to have a dignity worth keeping.
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Post by nakatago » Fri, 29 Aug 2014 12:14 pm

ScoobyDoes wrote:Being firm, in both yes and no is the best way to win respect and an understanding of you do what you say you will do. Threaten to take toys away, then do. Promise an hour playing football on another occasion then do that also. Keeping your word and following through is King - there is little space to negotiate with a 4yr old and once you start down that road they push and push the boundaries over and over again..
I totes agree. What I observe is, a lot of new parents nowadays are afraid of upsetting their child such that the child doesn't learn boundaries. On the other hand, a lot of old-school parents are all stick, no carrot, which produces either excessively timid persons or really violent ones.

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