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life & relationships how we end up marrying the wrong person

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zzm9980
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Postby zzm9980 » Sat, 26 Jul 2014 2:02 am

PNGMK wrote:I have a son with her whom I foolishly bonded with. He is a SC in Sec School here. I figure I can leave when he is in NS.


Interesting choice of words. Knowing everything you know now, would you not have bonded with him to just avoid the ex and Singapore?

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zzm9980
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Postby zzm9980 » Sat, 26 Jul 2014 2:04 am

PNGMK wrote:
JR8 wrote:
PNGMK wrote:The single worst mistake one can make in life is marrying the wrong person. IT completely changes the course of a normal life to once where compromises, heart ache, constraints and bitterness become 'normal'. The reason I'm still in Singapore is because I married the wrong person the first time.


As did I. But that became apparent very rapidly - within a year.

The issue then can morph into one of 'everyone else's expectations'. ... Your mother asking 'But you've only been married a year, what will the neighbours think!?'.

Seriously though, you have to put up with a lot of crap from a lot of people who are external to the situation, not least the division of all of your mutual friends, and how that's going to play out in real-time, and which one who says they're your friend, is just the spy in the camp for the other side. It's messy.

But as messy as it is, being rid of the wrong person* is perhaps one of best things you can do for yourself. I've never, ever, regretted it for one moment.



* This is not re: a 'bad or low patch', a bad week. We all go through those now and again, it's natural and expected. I'm talking about ... getting the Sword of Damocles speared through the forehead kind of epiphany ... you just KNOW it's wrong, and that it never will be right.


I knew it was wrong before we were even married. I just refused to acknowledge that instinctive irritant. I wasn't at all bothered when we got married, it was only after that I realized that marriage is a lot more serious than I thought. When I was married the second time (having sworn I never would again) I was almost vomiting from the tension - however it is a great marriage - the lesson I think is that I knew much more about what it meant to be married and I was nervous about meeting those expectations.


Sounds like my life. One month in during a trip overseas (alone) I realized I needed to do something. I like to procrastinate on big decisions, but this was something I knew I had to do as soon as I got home. Her being a c*nt on the ride home from the airport double-sealed it. :D

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Strong Eagle
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Postby Strong Eagle » Sat, 26 Jul 2014 4:00 am

PNGMK wrote:I have a son with her whom I foolishly bonded with. He is a SC in Sec School here. I figure I can leave when he is in NS.


Every boy needs a caring father to become a man... besides being your responsibility you do have an opportunity to make a difference. And even if you do go back, you'll still have that bond.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-cont ... -you-kerj/

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PNGMK
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Postby PNGMK » Sat, 26 Jul 2014 4:20 pm

zzm9980 wrote:
PNGMK wrote:I have a son with her whom I foolishly bonded with. He is a SC in Sec School here. I figure I can leave when he is in NS.


Interesting choice of words. Knowing everything you know now, would you not have bonded with him to just avoid the ex and Singapore?


Personally, having lost my father when I was 4 YO, I could not have. However when I meet fathers in a similar situation to I was, I ask them if they're sure they want to bond with their son/daughter or have a guilt free divorce.

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ecureilx
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Postby ecureilx » Sat, 26 Jul 2014 8:03 pm

Strong Eagle wrote:]

Every boy needs a caring father to become a man... besides being your responsibility you do have an opportunity to make a difference. And even if you do go back, you'll still have that bond.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-cont ... -you-kerj/


+1 to this ...


Nicole80
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Postby Nicole80 » Sat, 02 Aug 2014 2:24 pm

But sometime I wonder how could we know if we marry a right person/ wrong one.

Everyone who decided to get married will always think that person is the right one. If not, then I don't think they will.

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sundaymorningstaple
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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Sat, 02 Aug 2014 3:39 pm

Wow. That was deep! So deep you almost got the soles of you feet wet. #-o ](*,)

Just trying to up your post count izzit?

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JR8
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Postby JR8 » Sat, 02 Aug 2014 5:42 pm

:lol: Ouch!

[Sorry, was that too deep]


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