Sundry humour

[ecureilx]

Angela Merkel was at Athens airport going through customs. When it was her turn to get her passport checked, the security official asked 'name?', she replied 'Merkel', he then asked 'occupation?', she replied...... 'no not this time, its just a holiday'.

Ouch ....

[rajagainstthemachine]

I was offered sex by a 26 year old woman today, in exchange of that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on my Facebook, of course I declined, because of my morals and strong willpower, which is of course as strong as Aesop, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available in two new fragrances Lime and Lavender.

[JR8]

I was offered sex by a 26 year old woman today, in exchange of that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on my Facebook, of course I declined, because of my morals and strong willpower, which is of course as strong as Aesop, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available in two new fragrances Lime and Lavender.

Oh, a coincidence, I met a lady of that description too.

This is the ISO 9001 tested bathroom cleaner that smells of 1st world Swiss alpine-fresh meadows, available on a strictly limited '1-1 offer' at NTUC while stocks last.

Did you get extras for agreeing with her that one really should hurry while stocks last?

'Aesop - cleaning power that's fabled around the world!'

[bgd]

I was offered sex by a 26 year old woman today, in exchange of that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on my Facebook, of course I declined, because of my morals and strong willpower, which is of course as strong as Aesop, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available in two new fragrances Lime and Lavender.

So she wasn't a looker then?

[JR8]

[JR8]

[ecureilx]

Thank God for the size ....

[nakatago]

Yeah, Ikea is one of those rare companies that are funny.

[JR8]

Swedish humour can be so darkly ironic, even we Brits look on in admiration

[Which is unexpected, since the stereotype national Swede is not exactly a fun-loving or jokey kind of character, quite the opposite in many ways].

[rajagainstthemachine]

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

[JR8]

Stripped of it's embedded links, here is a spam from this forum seen earlier today:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
'How To Give Yourself A Home Facial

I mortal been doing my own habitation facials since I was 24. I bought a volume transcribed by Falls Pedagogue on how she kept herself splendid and I human been doing them e'er since.

Disclaimer: This diary involves simmering element. Be particular! This system may eff been used for hundreds of eld! It is your responsibleness to have this article in congested before attempting this method on your own meet.

Its the old fashioned method of touching a refrigerating really. Put your psyche over a incurvation of hot nutrient with a towel over your mark. It is so pandurate. Why do we complicate it by feat along to a journeyman and pay to use their clean tool?

We naturally lose one sheet of pare a period. Steaming your braving just helps that layer terminate off. You can steam spic your grappling once a period to cook it sensing young. Clean cleanup also helps the murder circulation come to the surface of your tegument again and gets rid of any red blotches that you hump.

You faculty also penury to not do it too stop to a people circumstance as pimples can also start in the period mass a neaten.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Well... ... ... ... ...

Even if you set-out to write a parody of a spam message, that had been utterly mangled by a translation engine, I reckon you'd be hard pressed to better the above example of the real thing!

[ecureilx]

:

Even if you set-out to write a parody of a spam message, that had been utterly mangled by a translation engine, I reckon you'd be hard pressed to better the above example of the real thing!

Spams are testing our intelligence I guess

[nakatago]

:

Even if you set-out to write a parody of a spam message, that had been utterly mangled by a translation engine, I reckon you'd be hard pressed to better the above example of the real thing!

Spams are testing our intelligence I guess

They're testing our patience.

[JR8]

[JR8]

http://www.christianpost.com/news/chris ... rt-136273/

Only in America....

Christian family band outside a supermarket spark shooting war vs police.

[Those mugshots ain't pretty either]