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How much maintain & custody fee should I pay after divorce?

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JR8
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Postby JR8 » Mon, 05 May 2014 10:24 am

cpcpcp wrote:She and her mother's personality are very strong and dominating but my personality is soft/quiet, but I am really fed up with her family culture and I insist to divorce but they refuse, that's why they are so angry with me.


There are cultures where sadly you don't marry a person, rather you marry [into] their family.

As I've suggested before, the best thing you can do is to empower yourself, at least then you'll be in a position to make rational informed decisions.
I don't know where you're from, or where you got married, but I'm not aware of any jurisdiction where a married person has a choice over whether their spouse divorces them. You can contest it, but I don't believe you can completely veto the process.


nanana wrote:sounds to me you have already found someone else. everything and anything else is just an excuse to get out of the marriage...

and you are so wrong about women to give up on care/control of their children in order to be remarried again. what century are you living in? that is totally an insult to a mother's love for the child.


It's better not to rush to judgement, and the throwing of insults. Maybe she's found someone else, maybe she's been having an affair, maybe her family are trying to gouge him for his money, and so on. You can find plenty of discussions (on divorce fora) where the mother has done one of the above, or worse, neglects and shows no love or even interest in the child, but the father is tormented by a system stacked in favour of giving custody to her. Some of the discussions I used to have to follow (as a Mod) were just heart-wrenching.

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Postby cpcpcp » Mon, 05 May 2014 10:44 am

I am very sure both sides have no affairs. I could tell you that the kid love me more than her. I feed the kid more than her, I send the kid to bed and take care of the kid during the night no matter how many times the kid wake up every night. I never say no if the kid approaches me, I am more patient than anyone else to the kid... Even like this, her family still scold me badly, what choices to I have?

nanana wrote:sounds to me you have already found someone else. everything and anything else is just an excuse to get out of the marriage...

and you are so wrong about women to give up on care/control of their children in order to be remarried again. what century are you living in? that is totally an insult to a mother's love for the child.

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sorry

Postby nanana » Mon, 05 May 2014 11:10 am

cpcpcp wrote:I am very sure both sides have no affairs. I could tell you that the kid love me more than her. I feed the kid more than her, I send the kid to bed and take care of the kid during the night no matter how many times the kid wake up every night. I never say no if the kid approaches me, I am more patient than anyone else to the kid... Even like this, her family still scold me badly, what choices to I have?

nanana wrote:sounds to me you have already found someone else. everything and anything else is just an excuse to get out of the marriage...

and you are so wrong about women to give up on care/control of their children in order to be remarried again. what century are you living in? that is totally an insult to a mother's love for the child.


I apologise if my first reaction was abit harsh. but the idea of using money to 'swap' for your child just made me feel as if the child is some kind of product that you can buy over.

marriage is not easy. but out of so many women on this planet, you chose her to be your wife. i'm not saying you should stick to your marriage if you are really unhappy about it. but at the very least, try to make it works, seek professional help, instead of just walking out just because you can't stand her family.

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Re: sorry

Postby Beeroclock » Mon, 05 May 2014 11:32 am

nanana wrote:
cpcpcp wrote:I am very sure both sides have no affairs. I could tell you that the kid love me more than her. I feed the kid more than her, I send the kid to bed and take care of the kid during the night no matter how many times the kid wake up every night. I never say no if the kid approaches me, I am more patient than anyone else to the kid... Even like this, her family still scold me badly, what choices to I have?

nanana wrote:sounds to me you have already found someone else. everything and anything else is just an excuse to get out of the marriage...

and you are so wrong about women to give up on care/control of their children in order to be remarried again. what century are you living in? that is totally an insult to a mother's love for the child.


I apologise if my first reaction was abit harsh. but the idea of using money to 'swap' for your child just made me feel as if the child is some kind of product that you can buy over.

marriage is not easy. but out of so many women on this planet, you chose her to be your wife. i'm not saying you should stick to your marriage if you are really unhappy about it. but at the very least, try to make it works, seek professional help, instead of just walking out just because you can't stand her family.
yeah from my perspective a bit harsh and also presumptuous to speculate blame. Even again here, how do you actually know that they haven't already tried hard to make it work ?

regarding the idea of swapping money for a child being distasteful, I do get that. But then again, pls also take a read of PNGMK's earlier post and the limited options cpcpcp has available in this situation. Maybe you can see it from his side too, and that the reason behind such an idea is likely that he cares and loves deeply for his kids.

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Postby PNGMK » Wed, 07 May 2014 5:24 pm

Beeroclock wrote:
cpcpcp wrote:Thanks for the advices. Personally if I were a mother who wants to marry again, I may choose not to have the care & control of the child I guess, that's why I'd like to propose swap my cash/property with the child's custody. However, I am ready to take the 4th option you suggested.


nanana wrote:and you are so wrong about women to give up on care/control of their children in order to be remarried again. what century are you living in? that is totally an insult to a mother's love for the child.


nanana, i didn't think OP is generalizing about women in general and a mother's love for the child. As I read, he is just saying, in a polite way, that his wife might like to have this option/choice, note the words "if ... I may choose ... I guess ... that's why I'd like to propose " ... Indeed she might only need a fraction of a second to say No. So, personally i think your response above seems a bit off.

Regarding the "what century are we living in ?" Perhaps a can of worms opening here, but IMHO actually the issue that needs addressing/updating is the father's rights and fair treatment in a divorce. If society is serious about equality and respecting BOTH PARENTS' love for the child.


+1 to father's rights in Singapore. My Singapore lawyer has literally dozens of fathers in his books who never get to see their kids (for years) but are literally dragged down to the FC under arrest if they fail in the maintenance payments. Bloody double standards indeed. The bastard FC judges will NEVER jail a motherbitch for failing to follow the access conditions.


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