Singapore Expats Forum

what to say to reject 1 who tries to borrow >5k but will..

Discuss about the latest news & interesting topics, real life experience or other out of topic discussions with locals & expatriates in Singapore.

tanoshii
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu, 24 Apr 2014

what to say to reject 1 who tries to borrow >5k but will.

Postby tanoshii » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 10:31 am

'what to say to reject one who tries to borrow few thousands but will takes a very long time (years) to return?'

What other beside saying no, support family, repay mortgage loans, investment, marriage plan, studies plan, insurance?

the situation that I am facing now is I have to think of a reason that sounds reasonable..


:???:
Last edited by tanoshii on Thu, 24 Apr 2014 11:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
PNGMK
Governor
Governor
Posts: 5764
Joined: Thu, 21 Mar 2013
Location: Sinkapore

Postby PNGMK » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 10:44 am

"We have our own needs and savings to plan for; sorry we can't help".

User avatar
nutnut
Manager
Manager
Posts: 1853
Joined: Thu, 24 Nov 2011
Location: The Mainland....

Postby nutnut » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 10:59 am

Tell them straight, ask them how long they expect to take to pay it back and what kind of assurance you have from them. If they can't pay it back, how do they expect you to feel about it?
nutnut

User avatar
PNGMK
Governor
Governor
Posts: 5764
Joined: Thu, 21 Mar 2013
Location: Sinkapore

Postby PNGMK » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 11:06 am

nutnut wrote:Tell them straight, ask them how long they expect to take to pay it back and what kind of assurance you have from them. If they can't pay it back, how do they expect you to feel about it?


No, don't do this - too easy to acquiesce.

Steve1960
Editor
Editor
Posts: 1106
Joined: Mon, 13 Aug 2012
Location: Singapore

Postby Steve1960 » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 11:39 am

Might depend on who the 'one' is

Your mother? Your brother? Your best friend? An acquaintance?

tanoshii
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu, 24 Apr 2014

Postby tanoshii » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 11:49 am

Steve1960 wrote:Might depend on who the 'one' is

Your mother? Your brother? Your best friend? An acquaintance?


Its a relative who is aware of my family environment (financially stable)

I need to come up with a reason that sounds reasonable

:???:

User avatar
sundaymorningstaple
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 35168
Joined: Thu, 11 Nov 2004
Location: Still Fishing!
Contact:

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 11:56 am

Just tell them you want to keep your family environment stable and loaning money will just upset the apple cart. I have a extended family here who are ALL sponges. I've learned my lesson years ago. I'll give you $50 (but I care less if they return it) but if I loan you the money, I will get very upset if you do not attempt to pay me back just as if it were from a finance company, albeit, without interest. You burn me once, you have no credit rating left and you are on your own. Most if not all have already burned themselves, so I don't have that problem any more. They used to try to go through their sister (my wife) but that doesn't sway me at all either. Draw up a proper loan form and get their signatures and have it notarized. If they default, take them to court. It will only take once. You don't need a reason to say no. If they take offense, what's the worst thing that can happen? They won't speak to you any more? Blessing, what! ;-)

Pal
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 1203
Joined: Wed, 23 Jul 2003
Location: Singapore
Contact:

Postby Pal » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 11:59 am

Tell him that you have had a very bad experience with another relative, thereafter you prefer not to lend to relative.
Singapore Expats

Home | Classifieds | Condo | Forum | Property
Image

User avatar
Addadude
Reporter
Reporter
Posts: 716
Joined: Fri, 26 May 2006
Location: Darkest Telok Blangah
Contact:

Postby Addadude » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 12:03 pm

In my experience, loans to friends and family usually end up being donations. If you don't want to be a donor, you have to be strong enough to say no. And if they don't want to speak to you again as a result, as SMS said, so what?
"Both politicians and nappies need to be changed regularly, and for the same reasons."

Beeroclock
Reporter
Reporter
Posts: 718
Joined: Thu, 31 Oct 2013

Postby Beeroclock » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 12:12 pm

tanoshii wrote:
Steve1960 wrote:Might depend on who the 'one' is

Your mother? Your brother? Your best friend? An acquaintance?


Its a relative who is aware of my family environment (financially stable)

I need to come up with a reason that sounds reasonable

:???:
If you want to help this person, maybe you can tell them while you will not give them money you are willing to talk/understand and offer any non-financial support/guidance if and when requested.

The money is a symptom/immediate need, but if you can find out the underlying issue of your relative, and help him/her to address it sustainably, then it could be a far more valuable contribution. As you know the saying, give a man a fish ...

BedokAmerican
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 436
Joined: Tue, 15 Jan 2013

Postby BedokAmerican » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 12:21 pm

Pal wrote:Tell him that you have had a very bad experience with another relative, thereafter you prefer not to lend to relative.


I agree with this one. Maybe say it was an in-law, someone on your spouses' side of the family. Say it ruined your relationship and you no longer speak. Something like that.

Like the other posters say, if you loan money, don't expect to be paid back EVER.

Often people see foreigners as people with bottomless bank accounts. Maybe suggest they approach their bank for a loan or line of credit. If they say they can pay you back, then they shouldn't have a problem paying back the bank. Tell them this is they push the issue. If it's too embarrassing in person, do it by email.

Steve1960
Editor
Editor
Posts: 1106
Joined: Mon, 13 Aug 2012
Location: Singapore

Postby Steve1960 » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 12:45 pm

Addadude wrote:In my experience, loans to friends and family usually end up being donations. If you don't want to be a donor, you have to be strong enough to say no. And if they don't want to speak to you again as a result, as SMS said, so what?


Exactly my experience with the wife's family. the phrase 'can I borrow' really mean't 'can you give'. When my wife got tired of it she said no more and some of her family we do not talk to anymore, some accepted it. That is just the way it is sometimes unfortunately.

User avatar
Mad Scientist
Director
Director
Posts: 3459
Joined: Thu, 03 Dec 2009
Location: TIMBUKTU

Postby Mad Scientist » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 1:24 pm

Do what I do and it always work me

Tell him/her (the borrower)

" Sorry, my plate is very full at this moment. I cannot take in anymore"

"Let's be friends and not severe this friendship"

They will get the message
The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.Yahoo !!!

User avatar
JR8
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 16514
Joined: Wed, 24 Mar 2010
Location: K. Puki Manis

Postby JR8 » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 1:27 pm

I recognise a lot of what is said from the previous posts.

I'd never lend money to someone ('a friend') I cared about: Rather, I'd never do it AGAIN. It is usually IME a 100% proven way to destroy a relationship. And equally I expect such a person would never ask me. I've learned that lesson.

Point them towards a bank (or here, a pawn shop?) to get a loan.

Just because you're an expat doesn't make you an ATM for the extended family.

User avatar
Wd40
Director
Director
Posts: 3936
Joined: Tue, 04 Dec 2012
Location: SIndiapore

Postby Wd40 » Thu, 24 Apr 2014 1:34 pm

I have done this before, refused to give a loan to my uncle. Not that he wont return it, but I will have to pay him by cheque and he will give me cash(black money) without interest and after a year or so later.

How I did it? I told him all my money is in mutual funds/fixed deposits with heavy exit load if I terminate them early.

This worked in my case because my uncle didn't really "need" the money. But if someone really needs it and you have it and he is a relative, then I think its hard to refuse and yet maintain ties. Especially in the Indian setting. Something tells me that the OP is also Indian.


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “General Discussions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: KevinSom and 5 guests