Does it make sense to move back to India in this situation?

[ecureilx]

I really like the Indian way of arrange marriage at a certain age and then having kids at certain, it removes this confusion of whether I am ready to marry or not? Should I marry or not? What if it goes wrong? Then after marriage, oh no, this is not what I expected, should we divorce? Same thing about having kids.

and arranged marriages don't end up in divorce ... as long as the wife meekly does everything the husband demands of her ... wife = wash, iron, fxxx, etc ...

[Brah]

I want to continue in Singapore itself

I hear this every day. Many times a day.

What is with the "itself"?

[Wd40]

I really like the Indian way of arrange marriage at a certain age and then having kids at certain, it removes this confusion of whether I am ready to marry or not? Should I marry or not? What if it goes wrong? Then after marriage, oh no, this is not what I expected, should we divorce? Same thing about having kids.

and arranged marriages don't end up in divorce ... as long as the wife meekly does everything the husband demands of her ... wife = wash, iron, fxxx, etc ...

That is 1950s. Not so much in current times. Divorce rates are very high nowadays in India. Women are very bold now and well educated and capable of taking care of themselves. Also, its more of a balance these days husbands also give in to a lot of wife's demands.

Arrange marriage just reduces a lot of expectations from both sides from each other. They give each other a much more higher chance to work the marriage.

[Wd40]

I want to continue in Singapore itself

I hear this every day. Many times a day.

What is with the "itself"?

That's Indian English for you.

[x9200]

Inglish or Indglish?

[rajagainstthemachine]

Inglish or Indglish?

locale = en_in

[proxymoron]

OP, are you in any sort of extra marital relationship with someone in Singapore?

sorry for being judgemental, but from the whole story I felt like there is a third person involved. And IF there is, then you should fix that side first by taking a decision whom you wanna be with.

[Beeroclock]

I want to continue in Singapore itself

I hear this every day. Many times a day.

What is with the "itself"?

That's Indian English for you.

I quite like the "... itself" and even the "I, myself, ...."

[pisceangirl]

I really like the Indian way of arrange marriage at a certain age and then having kids at certain, it removes this confusion of whether I am ready to marry or not? Should I marry or not? What if it goes wrong? Then after marriage, oh no, this is not what I expected, should we divorce? Same thing about having kids.

Besides one of friends told me this thing long ago which always keeps ringing in my mind. He said "After 3 years into marriage, it doesn't matter whether you love and marry or whether its an arrange marriage"

Of course you do. So much easier to not have to use your own brain, so much easier to not have to introspect and examine what you need and have the courage to pursue it. Instead follow the well defined path - Study for a degree your parents choose, then get into a job they find acceptable, then marry the girl they pick for you at age 27, be a father by 30 and so on... Condition your child accordingly as well... and it goes on...

[Wd40]

The "itself" comes from the direct translation from Indian languages like hindi, where its common to place a stress on something by using the equivalent of word "itself". "I, myself" also direct translation.

Just curious what would be the right way of conveying this in English?
"I want to stay in Singapore, really badly"
"I want to stay in Singapore and nowhere else"

"I must stay in Singapore" sounds wrong because it conveys a different meaning. It may mean that there is some obligation behind it.

"I must stay in Singapore only" is also commonly used by Indians, which also doesnt sound right.

[Wd40]

I really like the Indian way of arrange marriage at a certain age and then having kids at certain, it removes this confusion of whether I am ready to marry or not? Should I marry or not? What if it goes wrong? Then after marriage, oh no, this is not what I expected, should we divorce? Same thing about having kids.

Besides one of friends told me this thing long ago which always keeps ringing in my mind. He said "After 3 years into marriage, it doesn't matter whether you love and marry or whether its an arrange marriage"

Of course you do. So much easier to not have to use your own brain, so much easier to not have to introspect and examine what you need and have the courage to pursue it. Instead follow the well defined path - Study for a degree your parents choose, then get into a job they find acceptable, then marry the girl they pick for you at age 27, be a father by 30 and so on... Condition your child accordingly as well... and it goes on...

Yeah, its a very risk averse formula. Low risk low returns.

Just wanted to point out that arrange marriage doesn't have to mean marry the girl your parents choose. Thats the very traditional definition. These days parents let the boy and girl meet, after all the horoscope matching, caste matching, class matching, status matching etc is completed and then if the boy and girl feel they share the same thoughts, interests and passion, its only then they agree to marry. I know people taking plenty of time for marriage fixing and some of my friends have records of rejecting/getting rejected at the last stage after over 100 attempts.

You probably know this, but just wanted to highlight for other non Indian forummers.

I dont know exactly how it works in Singapore. But from what I have heard its very similar, the girls and guys go on dating sites and then go meet each other and then see if they are compatible. But there is a drawback to this, there are plenty of people who are not so outgoing and not into dating etc and they are virgins and unmarried well over 30 years and their lives are screwed up. Also in the Singapore society there is so much pressure to look good, slim, hot, whatever and then you need to keep looking hot and good looking even after marriage so that the partner doesn't stray. I seriously dont think its worth it.

[pisceangirl]

I really like the Indian way of arrange marriage at a certain age and then having kids at certain, it removes this confusion of whether I am ready to marry or not? Should I marry or not? What if it goes wrong? Then after marriage, oh no, this is not what I expected, should we divorce? Same thing about having kids.

Besides one of friends told me this thing long ago which always keeps ringing in my mind. He said "After 3 years into marriage, it doesn't matter whether you love and marry or whether its an arrange marriage"

Of course you do. So much easier to not have to use your own brain, so much easier to not have to introspect and examine what you need and have the courage to pursue it. Instead follow the well defined path - Study for a degree your parents choose, then get into a job they find acceptable, then marry the girl they pick for you at age 27, be a father by 30 and so on... Condition your child accordingly as well... and it goes on...

Yeah, its a very risk averse formula. Low risk low returns.

Just wanted to point out that arrange marriage doesn't have to mean marry the girl your parents choose. Thats the very traditional definition. These days parents let the boy and girl meet, after all the horoscope matching, caste matching, class matching, status matching etc is completed and then if the boy and girl feel they share the same thoughts, interests and passion, its only then they agree to marry. I know people taking plenty of time for marriage fixing and some of my friends have records of rejecting/getting rejected at the last stage after over 100 attempts.

You probably know this, but just wanted to highlight for other non Indian forummers.

I dont know exactly how it works in Singapore. But from what I have heard its very similar, the girls and guys go on dating sites and then go meet each other and then see if they are compatible. But there is a drawback to this, there are plenty of people who are not so outgoing and not into dating etc and they are virgins and unmarried well over 30 years and their lives are screwed up. Also in the Singapore society there is so much pressure to look good, slim, hot, whatever and then you need to keep looking hot and good looking even after marriage so that the partner doesn't stray. I seriously dont think its worth it.

I've lost count of the number of cliches you've used in this one. But essentially you're saying that this is a system that caters to the "losers" as well as lazy people so no one feels left out and that's why you think its cool. I understand how you relate to this personally and I agree that you are entitled to your views.

I really chuckled at your statement about "looking good so your partner doesn't stray" and your thinking that "its not worth it!" I could write an essay on this but I've learned from experience here that its seriously not worth it when it comes to a discussion with you.

[the lynx]

I really like the Indian way of arrange marriage at a certain age and then having kids at certain, it removes this confusion of whether I am ready to marry or not? Should I marry or not? What if it goes wrong? Then after marriage, oh no, this is not what I expected, should we divorce? Same thing about having kids.

Besides one of friends told me this thing long ago which always keeps ringing in my mind. He said "After 3 years into marriage, it doesn't matter whether you love and marry or whether its an arrange marriage"

Of course you do. So much easier to not have to use your own brain, so much easier to not have to introspect and examine what you need and have the courage to pursue it. Instead follow the well defined path - Study for a degree your parents choose, then get into a job they find acceptable, then marry the girl they pick for you at age 27, be a father by 30 and so on... Condition your child accordingly as well... and it goes on...

Yeah, its a very risk averse formula. Low risk low returns.

Just wanted to point out that arrange marriage doesn't have to mean marry the girl your parents choose. Thats the very traditional definition. These days parents let the boy and girl meet, after all the horoscope matching, caste matching, class matching, status matching etc is completed and then if the boy and girl feel they share the same thoughts, interests and passion, its only then they agree to marry. I know people taking plenty of time for marriage fixing and some of my friends have records of rejecting/getting rejected at the last stage after over 100 attempts.

You probably know this, but just wanted to highlight for other non Indian forummers.

I dont know exactly how it works in Singapore. But from what I have heard its very similar, the girls and guys go on dating sites and then go meet each other and then see if they are compatible. But there is a drawback to this, there are plenty of people who are not so outgoing and not into dating etc and they are virgins and unmarried well over 30 years and their lives are screwed up. Also in the Singapore society there is so much pressure to look good, slim, hot, whatever and then you need to keep looking hot and good looking even after marriage so that the partner doesn't stray. I seriously dont think its worth it.

Since you wanted to know how it works here...

Most of my Singaporean and Malaysian Indian friends get hitched via arranged marriage, very often to the subcontinental Indians, although they do get hitched within the same geographical region.

One of my tech-savvy friends used Indian dating sites, which essentially, functions like Indian matchmakers, using horoscopes, family status (caste?) etc as the parameters.

Some do meet just like regular people. School, university, hobby, society, mutual friends etc.

[Wd40]

Thanks Lynx, How about the local and Malaysian Chinese and Malays? Those who fall in love during the college or work, get into love marriage. But what about those that dont fall in love? I was assuming they go on dating sites or community clubs etc to find the right partner? Which is kind of arranged, except that here you are doing the arranging yourself, instead of parents isn't it?

[sundaymorningstaple]

Wd20, give it a rest. I feel sorry for your other-half. We can choose not to read your drivel, but she has to listen to it daily.