Does it make sense to move back to India in this situation?

Steve1960 · Post by **Steve1960** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 8:35 am

taxico wrote:
SharadChat wrote:...I'm not mentally ready to be a father yet, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready... I didn't mention this "ever wanting a child" bit to my wife before marriage, she's very annoyed with this information. She's asked me for a "timeline" when I'll be ready, I said I can't give her that.
no one is ever ready for kids until they (the kids) pop out and start causing sweet chaos.

- original reply sent by PM instead!

I wasn't ready at 30 years old when my first daughter arrived. However I was ready when my second daughter arrived at 50 years old and I believe I am a much better father now than I was 20 years ago. I guess the message to the OP is don't be pressured into starting a family, you will probably know when the time is right for you.

rajagainstthemachine · Post by **rajagainstthemachine** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 8:57 am

SharadChat wrote: I'm unwilling to go back to India because I really love this city, its a first world country just 4 and a half hours from my hometown in India, I love my friend circle here who're MBA's from top colleges and big i bankers & consultants, they're the "cream" professionally and I generally like being abroad. .

hilarious!!

the lynx · Post by **the lynx** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 9:02 am

There have been three threads EXACTLY about this VERY SAME issue in one month, and it makes me wonder if the original female poster in the first thread is really the wife of the original male poster of the second thread, and now this third thread.

Keywords are still MBA, arranged Indian marriage, failed PR applications, want to earn more, friends in better position, husband wants that too, wife not happy.

And the contention is still the same.

Starting a family is important. Dreams are important. But costing your marriage/family to your own dreams holds even higher importance (in negative way). Please think carefully. I'd say move back to India but to a third city. Or even better, move to a third country, if NOT being in the same city/country with nosey relatives who always compare is important to you.

Good luck.

Post by **sundaymorningstaple** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 9:53 am

Me? I say give her a divorce as you are not the man she bargained for.

Post by **Strong Eagle** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 10:10 am

SharadChat wrote:Should I move back to India in this scenario?

Dude... click on my link below for Mankind Project. You need to learn how to become a mature man. You are deeply in psychological shadow. You have no idea of the emotional wake you leave behind you that damages others as you allow your ego to control your life.

Wake up! Grow up! You have childish thoughts about salary and money. You have a lack of connection to people, the only thing that actually really matters.

Really... click on the link... there are brothers in Singapore that would welcome you.

taxico · Post by **taxico** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 12:43 pm

Steve1960 wrote:...I wasn't ready at 30 years old when my first daughter arrived. However I was ready when my second daughter arrived at 50 years old and I believe I am a much better father now than I was 20 years ago...

here lies the test: would you have chosen to NOT have your first child, if you could do it over again?

rajagainstthemachine · Post by **rajagainstthemachine** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 1:59 pm

you don't seem to realize how many positives you have on your side.

Your Age.
Huge financial backup
7 years of experience in Banking and Management

you have all the qualities to start a business of your own and ... but what you have is a bad attitude towards life and your wife and you compare yourself with a circle of friends whom you think will be there for you all the time. One day they'll desert you and so will your wife and all you'll be left with is a briefcase in hand watching the caboose departing the station

Post by **x9200** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 7:12 pm

taxico wrote:
Steve1960 wrote:...I wasn't ready at 30 years old when my first daughter arrived. However I was ready when my second daughter arrived at 50 years old and I believe I am a much better father now than I was 20 years ago...
here lies the test: would you have chosen to NOT have your first child, if you could do it over again?

I suggest this one instead: would you have chosen to have your first child later if......?

taxico · Post by **taxico** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 8:14 pm

x9200 wrote:
taxico wrote:
Steve1960 wrote:...I wasn't ready at 30 years old when my first daughter arrived. However I was ready when my second daughter arrived at 50 years old and I believe I am a much better father now than I was 20 years ago...
here lies the test: would you have chosen to NOT have your first child, if you could do it over again?
I suggest this one instead: would you have chosen to have your first child later if......?

but then it would very quickly defeat my purpose : )

Post by **x9200** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 8:44 pm

I thought not many would answer against having the kid once they have him or her.

For me the whole difficulty in judging the readiness is that after having a kid I am not the same person as I was before.

Wd40 · Post by **Wd40** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 10:02 pm

I really like the Indian way of arrange marriage at a certain age and then having kids at certain, it removes this confusion of whether I am ready to marry or not? Should I marry or not? What if it goes wrong? Then after marriage, oh no, this is not what I expected, should we divorce? Same thing about having kids.

Besides one of friends told me this thing long ago which always keeps ringing in my mind. He said "After 3 years into marriage, it doesn't matter whether you love and marry or whether its an arrange marriage"

rajagainstthemachine · Post by **rajagainstthemachine** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 10:19 pm

Well I really don't like arranged marriages at all..... Thank god I have not gotten arrange married nor will I ever will.
what's this 3 year figure? Is it like some expired warranty period?

Hannieroo · Post by **Hannieroo** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 10:35 pm

Makes no odds if he's ready or not. He'll just spend his time looking at the people with cleverer kids or better looking ones.

Wd40 · Post by **Wd40** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 11:34 pm

rajagainstthemachine wrote:Well I really don't like arranged marriages at all..... Thank god I have not gotten arrange married nor will I ever will.
what's this 3 year figure? Is it like some expired warranty period?

Thats about the time when the honeymoon period wears off

Post by **PNGMK** » Tue, 25 Mar 2014 11:57 pm

I think the OP is a mummy's boy. Common in India and he's trying to transfer his reliance on mummy to his wife.

Cut those apron strings dude!

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Does it make sense to move back to India in this situation?

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