nanana wrote:don't think there is a set rule as how much you have to pay for the maintenance. You will just have to come up with an amount that everyone is 'happy' in order to avoid a contested divorce.
you'll most likely get joint custody of your child. Sole custody is only granted if the other party is unfit to be a parent, or she is willingly giving up her right for the custody. But do not confuse between custody and care & control. Care & control is usually granted to the mother, in which child lives together with the mother, so that she is able to take care of the child's daily needs.
sorry you have to go through this. good luck.
PNGMK wrote:Are you expecting to pay child support only or spousal support as well?
However IME CS is highly variable. If you can get away with 10% of your income you've done well but I've heard others paying close to 50%. It does depend on your ex wife's ability to provide as well as the expected costs of rasiing the child.
HINT: try to settle and negotiate this out of court - you can do so I believe (I did) with a counseller from the FC. You have a much better chance of a reasonable settlement. ALSO try to avoid having the amount indexed or linked to your income (i.e. avoid a % - try to settle on an exact amount of $ per month) - that way in 10 years when your income is doubled - you're paying a lot less as a % of your income.
As a guideline the CS rates in Australia are 17% pre tax income for the first child, 27% for two etc.... until the supporting parent is so crippled they can never start again - a lot of men suicide out at that point.
JR8 wrote:My advice would be to aim for:
- both accept that it's better to get it over with
- try and have some form of amicable desire to settle matters
- try and gauge and draw up a reasonable/equitable split of income/assets.
I would very much advise against instructing lawyers and going 'adversarial'. It is just dirty to the point of being evil and exploitative, hideously painful, and the lawyers drag it out in a made-up pi$$ing contest, down to starting WW3 over 'visitation rights for the pet hamster', ... and it goes on for as long as you can afford that at $500/hr.
It's way better, if you can do it, to leave with a bit of dignity intact and something left in your wallet.
[/quote]cpcpcp wrote:Now she and her parents are very angry with me, it is not possible to us to 'discuss anything peacefully'
PNGMK wrote:Unless your ex wife is found in a brothel in Geylang with a John between her legs and a needle in her arm you're not getting C&C in Singapore (and those words came straight from the mouth of a highly esteemed Singapore lawyer). That's just how it is in this conservative country - so get over that mentally and do it now. Begin working on being a partner to your ex partner for the sake of the child. Sucks but that's it.
Futhermore now that Singapore is a member of the Hague convention you need to forget about abducting the child and absconding to another country - unless it is a non-Hague convention country and will never be one. Even then you still face intepol issues as they will have you on record and you're ability to travel will be constrained.
Forget about swapping cash and assets for the kid. The FC in Singapore (rightly) considers child access/custody and property to be separate matters.
So what's your choices?
1. Commit suicide, leaves your kid fatherless and your ex wins. Not recommended.
2. Forget the kid and leave Singapore (if you've not bonded I recommend this but it means being a deadbeat dad for the rest of your days).
3. Be an arsehole and never get on with your ex and fight every freaking day and spend every penny on lawyers and still not get what you want.
4. Take a deep breath, trust in the almighty (insert diety of your choosing) and try to calm down. Build a bridge with your ex by paying your obligations, honoring the court agreement on access (and be consistent about it) and work your ass off at building a new life.
There's no other way mate. No other way. Nada.
For child support (only) the calculation is really just food,clothes,schooling,books,maid and medical. Anything else your ex throws up is BS. Aim for about $1000 to $2000 a month if you don't have ridiculous school fees.
For spousal support (you didn't answer this) the sky is the limit but as your ex is working you have a pretty good chance of arguing that she is capable of supporting herself.
Consider seeing a counselor to talk it out. Don't talk it out with your mates... they know nothing and their advice comes from their own issues.
Did anything drastic happen that lead to this situation? Normally when things go downhill gradually and both of you are self-sufficient it should be possible to work out an amicable solution without this sudden hostility.[/quote]aster wrote:cpcpcp wrote:Now she and her parents are very angry with me, it is not possible to us to 'discuss anything peacefully'
cpcpcp wrote:Thanks for the advices. Personally if I were a mother who wants to marry again, I may choose not to have the care & control of the child I guess, that's why I'd like to propose swap my cash/property with the child's custody. However, I am ready to take the 4th option you suggested.
nanana, i didn't think OP is generalizing about women in general and a mother's love for the child. As I read, he is just saying, in a polite way, that his wife might like to have this option/choice, note the words "if ... I may choose ... I guess ... that's why I'd like to propose " ... Indeed she might only need a fraction of a second to say No. So, personally i think your response above seems a bit off.nanana wrote:and you are so wrong about women to give up on care/control of their children in order to be remarried again. what century are you living in? that is totally an insult to a mother's love for the child.
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest