Tips to Enjoy your Doomsday

[nakatago]

End of the world got you down? Don't fret; just because everything you love and hold dear will be taken away from you, it doesn't mean you can't have a good time. Here are just some tips that will ensure you will the best apocalypse ever.

* In case of a zombie apocalypse, remember to aim for the zombies' heads, preferable where the brain stem. This will guarantee to end their reanimation. If aiming for the head is not feasible, you can try to incapacitate them by going for their arms and legs.

* If you believe in aliens, there may be redemption for you though. If you can find yourself in the sleepy French of Bugarach in the Pyrenees, it is apparently one place on Earth that will be spared in any apocalypse. The village is a UFO sighting hotspot and many believe alien spacecraft may land on Pic de Bugarach mountain to evacuate people.

* If the singularity is nigh, remember that today's robots are not much of a threat. If the predator drones, however, somehow gain some form of sentience, run for the deepest, aircraft-impossible-to-penetrate hole you can find. Those hellfire missiles pack a wollop!

* It's a possible that a Superman-class being may go rogue and decide to kill everyone in sight. If said being, on a whim, decides to hear the world's leaders, make sure your local politician does not become some patronizing coward. That will not end well and may result in your island nation of being sunk into the ocean by an asteroid shower caused by said being.

* Some say that a solar flare may fire or that our sun (sol) may go nova. No need to worry about this folks. If this happens, everything will be too sudden for us to even react, much less feel any suffering. At all.

* Since it is the end of a baktun, it is highly likely that a Mayan or Aztec themed destruction of existence may arise. If you see the feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl in the skies, however, that may not be a bad thing. Everyone knows he's the White Tezcatlipoca and hence, the god of light (good), mercy (very good) and wind (not sure). If the black Tezcatlipoca rises (specifically from the north), however, then we're f***ed as he's the god of judgment, night, deceit, sorcery and the Earth.

So, remember, the end of times need not be a tear-filled, agony-ridden event. With a little know-how and some creativity, you too can enjoy the apocalypse.

Have a happy doomsday, everyone.

Got any other tips to enjoy the end of times? Sound off in the comments below.

[nutnut]

Thanks Nak,

You omitted the obvious "human" choices, of crazed leaders of nations with large amounts of nuclear firepower.

Thankfully, the only real country with this kind of crazy leader and fire power, is unable to "get it up"

phew!

[sundaymorningstaple]

Now that's a nice thing to say about Obamy and the USofA!

[nakatago]

Now that's a nice thing to say about Obamy and the USofA!

Obama-mama prefers to play with his targets, hence the drone strikes. Hence me, pointing out the singularity.

@nutnut: good point about a nuclear holocaust though. In that case, bring an umbrella, a towel and a pack of Wet Wipes.

In case of dramatic increase of volcanic activity, please do as this video advises. If you don't have enough time, having an umbrella or a wet towel will buy you some time.

If there some mysterious disease that wipes out roughly half the global population in one fell, swoop, just make sure you're not male or at least be off-planet.

You can also stay away from any particle accelerators/colliders in case the end would come via black hole.

[nutnut]

We've got three hours until midnight in South Amurca, so I guess it's time for a long lunch!

[nakatago]

We've got three hours until midnight in South Amurca, so I guess it's time for a long lunch!

I wonder how Michael Stipe really feels.

[nutnut]

Actually, whilst looking for some timezones, I came across this....


Mayan Countdown

[Strong Eagle]

I have been invited to the "First Annual 'I Survived the Mayan Apocalypse' Burger and Beer Festival".

[nakatago]

I have been invited to the "First Annual 'I Survived the Mayan Apocalypse' Burger and Beer Festival".

That actually sounds neat. People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

[v4jr4]

I have been invited to the "First Annual 'I Survived the Mayan Apocalypse' Burger and Beer Festival".

That actually sounds neat. People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

#YOLO

[nakatago]

I have been invited to the "First Annual 'I Survived the Mayan Apocalypse' Burger and Beer Festival".

That actually sounds neat. People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

#YOLO

In the case of Singapore, it's yalor....

[JR8]

Funny how the world always seems to be ending on 'visually catchy' dates. There was 31/12/99 and now 21/12/12, but never say 17/3/89.

Are there any other dates when it was meant to have ended?


p.s. For some reason a cult that committed mass-suicide (US?) comes to mind... 1960/70s? But I forget whether they were expecting the EOTW or not...

[v4jr4]

Are there any other dates when it was meant to have ended?

*googling Nostradamus*
Perhaps the Doomsday Cults weep today.

[JR8]

Thanks V4, from that I found...

Jim Jones and the People's Temple of Jonestown.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peoples_Temple

------------------------
'People's Temple was a religious organization founded in 1955 by Jim Jones that, by the mid-1970s, included over a dozen locations in California including its headquarters in San Francisco. It is best known for the events of November 18, 1978, in Guyana, in which 920 people died at the Peoples Temple Agricultural Project (informally, and now commonly, called "Jonestown") and nearby airstrip at Port Kaituma, and Georgetown in an organized mass suicide/killing.

The mass suicide and killings at Jonestown resulted in the greatest single loss of American civilian life in a non-natural non-accidental disaster prior to the events of September 11, 2001.
------------------------

p.s. Seems a bit of a leap of faith to believe the Mayans never predicted their own demise, but did ours, to the day, c450 years later.

[nakatago]

Funny how the world always seems to be ending on 'visually catchy' dates. There was 31/12/99 and now 21/12/12, but never say 17/3/89.

Because numerology is utter bullshit. In the grand scheme of things, numbers are just arbitrary notations by humans so we could make sense of the world. That's how we end up with things like leap years, leap seconds and irrational numbers.