Have you been betrayed by your closest friend?

sweetie2980 · Post by **sweetie2980** » Fri, 15 Jan 2010 11:28 pm

Well i did...and my heart is still aching and crying right now

The story goes like this..im a Malaysian muslim who has been with an American for bout 1 year. Right now,im in the final process of ending my K1 visa (fiancee visa) which i will attend my interview on this tuesday in KL.

Last week while i was doing my medical for the US embassy in KL, i met a muslim lady friend of 10 years.We have been best friends for the first 5 years while we were studying together.I told her that im applying for a visa to migrate to US and married an American.Instead of sharing my happiness she blatantly interrogate me with thousands of questions.Her concern was nothing but me changing my religion and not keeping to my faith once i settled in US.She also started to tell me endless stories of how people she known have lost their faith all because their were marrying a caucasian.

Well that was nothing...untill...this morning at 7am her mother called and talked to my mother.Apparently she told her mother everything bout my plans and her mother spilled all the beans to my mother.Of course with whats happening to my life right now and my relationship with my fiance no one knows except one good chinese lady friend and this malay friend.Later in the evening, my mother asked me bout the truth based on what she was told.I dint want to argue or make things worse so i told her that my visa application was rejected.My mother started to remind me of who i am, my religion and who i cant and can married..and if i ever crossed the line forever i will be considered as a sinful daughter.She even threatened me by saying that she will pray hard so that i will never married this guy and said that a mother's prayer will always be answered by god.Well folks...all my family members are typical conservative muslim except me.

Now my mind is in a whirlwind.Im utterly upset and devastated with what my friend did to me..obviously she's making my life truly difficult right now.My interview is on tues and im leaving for KL on mon morning..heck i dont even know how to go now since my mother been monitoring all my moves (before this happened, she never cared and i live with my parents).However im determined to go for my interview no matter what happens to me even if it means im being disown by my family.

Folks...what should i do?.I really wanna do well on my interview without my mind getting stressed out bout my family issue.I need to keep my relationship under wraps for the time being as im afraid my family will do all kind of things to stop me from leaving.I have 3 days to go before my interview...as of my friend i have already severed ties with her

Im extremely mad and heartbroken for what she's done to me.Now i dont trust no one except my fiance.

Do ya all think i should move out as soon as i came back from KL?I even purchased my flight ticket to US on feb 3.I just dont understand why some muslim are so judgemental bout others and hating one another at the expense of their kids happiness..

Post by **x9200** » Sat, 16 Jan 2010 8:53 am

So you just wanted to send a postcard to your parents already from the States saying you are married and living happy?

Vaucluse · Post by **Vaucluse** » Sat, 16 Jan 2010 3:27 pm

Hmm, what ^ said.

You obviously believe that you are doing the wrong thing, or the right thing for the wrong reasons or the wrong thing for the right reasons . . . take your pick.

I doubt your friend is backstabbing or betraying you, she probably believes she is doing you a favour by warning you of the potential effects.

Why do so many here not see the link between cause and effect?

So, you didn't tell your parents, you told your best friend only just now . . . possibly you are the one betraying others?

If you don't believe so then go get married and hop off to the US . . . it is the land of milk and honey . . . so they say

taxico · Post by **taxico** » Sat, 16 Jan 2010 5:45 pm

you're not getting marrying your partner for any other reason except coz you two are in love and want a future together.

your K1 app/relocation is because of a future with your partner. no one can gaze into a crystal ball and tell you whether (or not) something will happen to you.

however when it comes to relationships, you should never let anyone else stop (any) of the plans you've made with your partner.

you're gonna live with him. not your parents, you ex-friend, your ex-friend's mom.

even if you do the things your ex-friend/ex-friend's mom said you'll wind up doing, you'd have only done so after thinking about it thoroughly.

you should just go on with your life with your partner. your parents will understand over time.

just make damn sure he's gonna treat you right.

Plavt · Post by **Plavt** » Sat, 16 Jan 2010 9:26 pm

taxico wrote:your parents will understand over time.

Don't count on it......

therat · Post by **therat** » Sat, 16 Jan 2010 10:55 pm

my relationship with my fiance no one knows except one good chinese lady friend and this malay friend.

In your heart, you already know what will happen once your family knew you are dating a non-Muslim.

It just a matter of time.

SunWuKong · Post by **SunWuKong** » Sun, 17 Jan 2010 4:27 am

From your heading and the opening sentences I was expecting that your friend would steal your man. Damn, I lost that one.

Your friend may have only the best intentions in mind, goodness knows I have met enough muslims who honestly believed that leaving the religion would be the absolute worst thing that could happen to any muslim. She may also just be jealous, an emotion I trust much more than poorly reasoned religiosity.

I have no doubt that you will make it to KL for your interview, and I wish you the best of luck with the endeavour. However, as a word to the wise, I suggest you don't burn any bridges that don't absolutely need to be burned. Life is a long haul and you never know when you'll need a helping hand.

When you get to the States I suggest that you surreptitiously start saving money for a rainy day and simultaneously intertwine your fingers in the day to day fiscal dealings of your new family. It's nice to be in love, but a hard head will be much more useful in the long run.

Good luck and all the best.

durain · Post by **durain** » Sun, 17 Jan 2010 9:58 am

parents will always moan about you not marrying a muslim. dont let that stop you. once they see that you are happy in your marriage, they will understand why you did it. marrying a muslim is not going to make you any happier.

as taxico wrote, your parents will understand over time. go for it.

sweetie2980 · Post by **sweetie2980** » Sun, 17 Jan 2010 10:49 pm

durain wrote:parents will always moan about you not marrying a muslim. dont let that stop you. once they see that you are happy in your marriage, they will understand why you did it. marrying a muslim is not going to make you any happier.

as taxico wrote, your parents will understand over time. go for it.

Its true what Durain said that happiness is not measured based on race nor religion.Its not easy to find someone you love and loves you back and my fiance did just that.

I know what im doing is a big leap of faith and it worries my family especially when i choose to be with a non muslim.Like everyone else here already said,marrying muslim without converting is the biggest sin and forever god will forbid you from entering heaven unless you repent.Even so,if i really end up marrying my fiance that means i will be the first in my generation to marry someone out of the race and religion plus the first ever to leave malaysia to settle down in a faraway land.Its not helping that my father is a retired religious teacher and well known among friends and relatives as a truely pious man.my family will definitely be so ashamed to face others when their daughter left to marry a so called christian.Oh well....

No matter what happens i will never forget my family especially my mother.She might be utterly upset with me but she is one of the person i love the most in this world.

As for my ex friend..it might probably part of the reason she's told my mother was partly derived by jealousy.When i first broke the news bout my relationship and showed her a pictures of my fiance,she dint even bother to take a look let alone smile or laugh indicating that she's happy for me.It doesnt help for her when her relationship with the boyfriend was not doing good.A woman to woman relationship is far complicated compared with the opposite gender as there's alot of emotion involved.Im sad to have such a good friend to end up this way.I used to stayed by her all the time giving her courage when she was dumped by her ex and all she did all day was nothing except lying on bed.I also taught her mother on how to withdraw money from the ATM,accompanied her to the bank and even waited while she's going through counselling when her marriaged was in limbo more than 5 years ago.Well...life goes on..

As i said earlier,happiness is not measured on race or religion or in other words love is blind.I have been with a muslim man before but the relationship dint survive..also been with other local men but was dumped and got cheated.My fiance has done so much for this relationship to go this far.Before i applied for K1,i did go for tourist visa but did not succed.My fiance tried hard by asking for lawyers help,wrote letter to the senator,even at one point a letter to Obama (of course Obama was too busy to be bothered by a stupid problems like)

When i was sick he took care of me.He even forgave me when i lied to him bout my identity when we first met.In fact he is more excited bout my arrival more than i do..he told everyone he knows and already started to buy new furniture for the bedroom such as dresser,hangers,beddings even before im going for my interview.He was so confident im gonna pass my interview when i was nervous.Well im in love with him and of course i could go on and on talking all the good things bout him.I finally found my happiness and the guy i have been looking for and in my heart i know whats best for me and i need to do.

Early tomorrow i be leaving for KL and even if i dint get my visa at least i have given my hardest.Thank you for all the best wishes from all of you here.Sorry for all the long explanation as some of might be put off by my long story..Cheers folks

durain · Post by **durain** » Mon, 18 Jan 2010 12:28 am

you are marrying for yourself because you found someone to be your soul mate. you are not marrying to please other people.

sinful or not, live your life now and enjoy every moment of it. good luck!

berkshire_yorkie · Post by **berkshire_yorkie** » Mon, 18 Jan 2010 9:13 am

Very difficult situation and I don't know what the answer is. But I do want to wish you all the very best for your future and I sincerely hope that you can be reconciled with your family.

mrHomeLook · Post by **mrHomeLook** » Tue, 19 Jan 2010 10:54 am

again religion has meddled with lives in the wrong way. if u truly love the american, just go for him. u are gonna live with him and thus, its your decision and not others'. gone are the days when the parents should choose a spouse for u. thats so prehistoric. ur pal, well i dont know. she's probably not backstabbing, but simply have a big mouth. let her be. for all u know, she could be jealous. just focus on how u gonna talk to your parents about it. not gonna be easy. hope all goes well for ya

mondaymorningquarterback · Post by **mondaymorningquarterback** » Tue, 19 Jan 2010 12:46 pm

Is it really that bad? Look at your vocabulary. You are using words like disown, sinful, betrayal, devastated, your heart isnt crying and if its aching its called a stroke. Did she really asked a thousand questions? Explain how a mind can be in a whirlwind and she's making your life difficult because you let her. Be more positive and stop seeing yourself as a victim!

intellectualsmuse · Post by **intellectualsmuse** » Tue, 19 Jan 2010 1:13 pm

Well, you just need to accept that every person(parents included) has their own ideas and belief system and leave it at that. I can relate to your situation as I married out of caste and it was an issue with both our families. Having said this, I did let my family know of my intentions so they didn't get to know from prying relatives or my friends.

Bottomline is stop feeling so miserable, respect your decision to be with your guy and go for it.

All the very best!

zodiac09 · Post by **zodiac09** » Wed, 20 Jan 2010 9:43 am

Lots of great advice from people here. Heed well.

My sixpenceworth:
1. you are a grown woman who has to stand on her own two feet.
2. You are no longer a child hiding under the apron of her mother.
3. Every decision that you make must benefit your life, as it's the only one you've got, so choose well.
4. Those decisions may not please others including your parents.
5. Unfortunately, religion is always devisive never inclusive [the whole my-imaginery-friend-is-bigger-than-your-imaginery-friend thing]
6. If you have to make a choice that segregates you from your support network [be that family or friends, or both] then make sure you still have a route back - even if it's just one good mate.
7. USA aint all that - esp in a recession
8. Love can conquer all.

Good luck. I feel that you need it. Hopefully, the Year of the Tiger will be YOUR year xx

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