Common courtesy?

[Wind In My Hair]

It's funny sometimes when i have to hold open the door for the local man.
And they 'happily' walk in without saying thank you!

i have to stand up for local men here. sure, there are some rude chaps out there, but in my experience, almost all the local men hold the door for me, and sometimes even the young boys do so! and they look so cute and embarrassed when i beam a thank you at them. ah, there's hope for singapore. i for one am very proud of our local guys.

[samantha]

I once saw a guy push open the door, and walked right into the shopping centre and ignored his girlfriend, who was conveniently squashed by the closing door behind him...

[earthfriendly]

I don't know if I am correct in my assumption but please feel free to correct. SGeans are very shy, uptight, reserve, and somewhat lack a sense of confidence. By extending a helping hand, they are afraid of bringing attention to themselves. Like myself, they tend to do better in small social group, away from public glare and scrutiny. When socialising with a small circle of friends, they tend to "loosen up" and are extremely kind, always volunteering their assistance like offering to help you push the baby stroller and carry your bags etc...

Add to the above characteristics is their lack of general awareness of events happening around them. They are rather one-dimensional and only focus on what they are doing. E.g if they are walking, only see the single path in front of them that they will be taking and prone to bump into someone accidentally. In short, they are very "blur" or clueless.

A better term might be just a total lack of spatial awareness. sounds better than blur like sotong.

Thank you for coming to my rescue, languages not my forte. Not a putdown, for I love SGean men, another way I would look at it is they are kind of geeky (in a cute way) and bashful.

[Wham]

Earthfriendly,

Your description is a little TOO kind. Using a "total lack of spacial awareness" as an excuse for a lack of proper awareness of those around them is silly. Are we dealing with two year olds or adults? Rude behavior that results from what you describe is called SELFISH, RUDE, and SELF-CENTERED in most other places in the world.

[sapphire]

Wham, its not considered selfish, rude and self centred in over crowded countries like India and China.

[Rose_YG]

I once saw a guy push open the door, and walked right into the shopping centre and ignored his girlfriend, who was conveniently squashed by the closing door behind him...

Yes, i saw that thing happened before.Shame.

In fact when i have to hold open the door for a crowd of people walking in, the guys just don't have the courtesy to say thank you.

They just don't have basic manners.

[Rose_YG]

It's funny sometimes when i have to hold open the door for the local man.
And they 'happily' walk in without saying thank you!

i have to stand up for local men here. sure, there are some rude chaps out there, but in my experience, almost all the local men hold the door for me, and sometimes even the young boys do so! and they look so cute and embarrassed when i beam a thank you at them. ah, there's hope for singapore. i for one am very proud of our local guys.

Try the other way around, open the door for them and see what happens...

[earthfriendly]

Earthfriendly,

Your description is a little TOO kind. Using a "total lack of spacial awareness" as an excuse for a lack of proper awareness of those around them is silly. Are we dealing with two year olds or adults? Rude behavior that results from what you describe is called SELFISH, RUDE, and SELF-CENTERED in most other places in the world.

Yeah, perhaps too indulgent towards my fella SGeans. You know what, this kind of "cluelessness", don't know if it is the right term SMS please help with my English please, is not unique to SGeans but is common with Chinese of different nationalities in USA. As one of my American (self-professed white on outside but yellow on the inside which is opposite of banana) friend who grows up with many Chinese in SF puts it, Chinese have poor social skills. Generally awkard in large gatherings, not knowing what to say or do in such events. A lot of which is due to our upbringing about not bringing attention to ourselves and being humble.

That said, it does not help being born into a very young nation which achieves rapid economic progress at the expense of social development. Yes, hot-bloodedness, impatience and brashness has to do with this general lack of common courtesy. Two days ago, a reader in Straits Times lamented how SGeans could take lessons from China. Yes, of all countries the Third World China, where he witnessed over 80 % of passengers giving up seats for the elderly. Same in Taiwan too, people more polite and not so rushy in the MRT. As for HK, that is another matter.

However, I have been very touched by the kindness shown to me by many SGeans during this vacation trip. From the amicable taxi-driver who invited me to lunch to the taxi-driver who refused the fare overpayment. I lived very close to the airport and cabfaire only came up to $9. I have been instructed twice by my sister to offer $20 regardless of actual fare. Reason, poor cab drivers have to wait in long line for a long time in order to pick up the passengers in the airport. The very "cheap" me try to negotiate and asks my sis if $15 is OK but she said "no" because to her those cab drivers are very "poor thing". Yes, SGeans may lack common courtesy and civility but when it comes to having a BIG HEART, there is no shortage of it. I have informed my hubby that tipping is not usual in SG. Being a person who loved and absorbed facts like a sponge, he was puzzled by my overpayment and I had to explain this exception. You know what, now my hubby has learnt to tip with a "heart" instead of social protocal. Don't get me wrong, he is a very kind gentleman himself, but his concept of money management is different from mine or my family or my SGean friends. So you see, many things in life are a matter of perspective. It is not about who is right or wrong or more superior. It is just different.

Wham, its not considered selfish, rude and self centred in over crowded countries like India and China.

Sapphire, no disrespect intended but this is not the first time I have heard of overcrowdedness being used as an excuse for rude and uncivil behaviours. However, I think we as humans can do better than that. Here's linky that list out the 15 most populous cities in the world in 1980. I know data is old but believe Tokyo still the most populous as we speak.

http://www.aag.org/HDGC/www/urban/suppo ... mat11a.doc

Tokyo 21.9 million
Shanghai 11.7 million
Osaka 10 million
Calcutta 9 million
Beijing 9 mil
Bombay 8.1 mil

Visit the above cities and you will notice the stark difference of a very organized, disciplines, polite Tokyoites and Osakan against the Chinese and Indian cities. In my heart I believe that if the Japanese can do it, so can the mainland Chinese and the Indians.

[Wind In My Hair]

Try the other way around, open the door for them and see what happens...

i sometimes do. they usually refuse to walk through, and insist on taking the door and letting me go first. like i said, of course there are those who don't have good manners but in my experience these are the minority and what touches me is that young boys are doing the same, which suggests to me that they are learning this from watching how their dads behave. i am very encouraged.

ps: and if i did hold the door for a person or group of persons, whether male or female, it would be cos i wanted to, and not to get a thank you. who cares whether they do or not if you're really just trying to facilitate traffic flow? id rather not hold the door open than hold it open then get immediately ticked off that no one said thanks. life is too short to get frustrated at little things like that.

[sapphire]

When all you can think of is how to manage two square meals in a day (if you get lucky), you forget about politeness. I do understand where you're coming from earthfriendly, but comparing Japan with China and India is just not cutting it. Please visit Bombay and Calcutta to see how people survive on a day to day basis. I haven't been to China, so can't comment with authority on it.

[Rose_YG]

Try the other way around, open the door for them and see what happens...

i sometimes do. they usually refuse to walk through, and insist on taking the door and letting me go first. like i said, of course there are those who don't have good manners but in my experience these are the minority and what touches me is that young boys are doing the same, which suggests to me that they are learning this from watching how their dads behave. i am very encouraged.

ps: and if i did hold the door for a person or group of persons, whether male or female, it would be cos i wanted to, and not to get a thank you. who cares whether they do or not if you're really just trying to facilitate traffic flow? id rather not hold the door open than hold it open then get immediately ticked off that no one said thanks. life is too short to get frustrated at little things like that.

chill out,WIMH.. i think you didnt get my joke.. yeah life is short.. it was just a tongue-in -cheek..

[Wind In My Hair]

chill out,WIMH.. i think you didnt get my joke.. yeah life is short.. it was just a tongue-in -cheek..

ok rose, i'm chilling right now if that's possible in this warm weather... sigh. anyway i'm not the one getting annoyed at guys not saying thank you to me. i was just trying to be fair to the local guys by stating my own experience.

ya i didn't see what was funny about it. so what was the joke?

[Carpe Diem]

No RED TYPING please!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Wind In My Hair]

No RED TYPING please!!!!!!!!!!!!!

huh? did my post sound like red typing? if so i apologise. no no, it's not at all meant to be like that. i genuinely didn't catch the joke cos i can sometimes be quite dim, so just need it to be spelt out cos it bugs me when i don't catch jokes.

maybe you can help explain, CD. so, i try opening the door for local guys... and the joke is... ?

[Rose_YG]

chill out,WIMH.. i think you didnt get my joke.. yeah life is short.. it was just a tongue-in -cheek..

ok rose, i'm chilling right now if that's possible in this warm weather... sigh. anyway i'm not the one getting annoyed at guys not saying thank you to me. i was just trying to be fair to the local guys by stating my own experience.

ya i didn't see what was funny about it. so what was the joke?

Tongue in cheek ..wasn't expecting you to open the door and see what happens.Im not annoyed just for the 'thank you'.. The whole point is-I am totally irritated by people with no basic courtesy/manners.