I girl I was seeing told me about the "five languages of love" and I have been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks and I think this guy is on to something. Basically it comes down to:
(1) Words of Affirmation. (2) Quality Time (3) Receiving Gifts (4) Acts of Service (5) Physical Touch.
(Link here:
http://www.uwec.edu/counsel/pubs/5languages.htm)
Anyways, I have been paying attention to this in both guys and girls latey (I am *completley* heterosexual for the record). Anyways, what I noticed was that peoples love style was very indicitive of how they treat you and consequently how they want to be treated. Of course most guys will think "physical touch" is tops on their list but this may not be the case -- don't confuse love and lust -- one good test is that *I think* this should also apply to interactions with memers of the same sex. It seems to me to be some kind of innate social mechanims of interaction between individuals to gain, maintain, trust etc. For instance, in primate societies "grooming" is used to establish strong social ties between individuals in the troop.
Notice that all of these have a subserviant element to them -- one plays "dominant" the other plays "subservient" and depending on your love style a good match would occur when two people alternate roles with the same "language" with one another.
I have been "testing" this out in my day to day interactions with people. This one girl I met it always very complimentary and very touch feely. I am slightly touchy feely but I don't dish out compliments because, to me, words seem cheap. Its funny because she has been really drawn to me and has asked me to compliment her.
In my own relationships I think "acts of service" and "gift giving" are mine. I am very polite and enjoy helping people. I willingly pick up a check whether I am out with friends or a girl. At the same time I do notice I find myself drawn to people who are also generous like this. If its a one way street, of course, you are going to be taken advantage of. Changing roles, between donor and recipient, seems to be a way to build up social ties.
I have been more attentive to this lately and have been trying to use it to properly "speak" to someone in "their tounge". It is very easy to tell because it is how they treat others and so you simply need to reciprocate it in that way. One thing that is interesting is that it seems to be learned -- if you were "loved" by gift giving, that is the way you will love. With the girl who loved compliments I asked her: "was it your mom or your dad who always showed you with compliments" -- shocked she said "my dad, but how did you know?!".
Finally I was wondering if someone could comment on if there may be come cultural "language" differences between eastern and western culture. It seems the "white" girls I have dates have been very compliment orientated while the asian girls I have dated are very generous/service orientated (much like me). I don't know what eastern culture is like but if you pay attention you will see that "cute" white girls when they are growing up are always having people comment on how pretty they are and I wonder if there may be a bias for "that" language of love because of that. Anyone want to comment on this? I think it would make a good discussion.
-Rob