Lost My "Old" Self after Having Kids

[lalala88]

Hi all,

After I had my second born, tbh, I feel like i literally lost my "Old" self. I miss putting makeup, dressing up, have my own me time like how I used to do.

I know kids are my PRIORITY. However, due to constant chaotic & mother duties that I have everyday, I don't even have much energy to do things like how i liked to do in past such as putting make, dressing up etc. I never hire maid & I'm FTWM.
I can say that I put my kids and family needs above my needs since now my kids are still very young. When I was sending both of my kids to child care, i envy those mother that still can put nice makeup and outfits which i believe she doesn't even hire helper since cooking, sending & picking up kids from school are done by her or her husband.

Everyday is just the same routine and exhausting for me; and I'm sharing in this forum to know if there're someones that also going thru the same phase as mine.

[abbby]

The early years from baby to primary school years are little harder as the children still need a lot of help and supervision. It is tough taking care of kids and the hours are long. If your child is already in preschool then you should have some time for yourself to relax, go shopping, meet up with friends, pick a hobby.

If you feel overly exhausted , you can consider a domestic helper, it takes away a lot of stress from the babysitting and it was well worthwhile for me during that time. It depends on if you can accept having a helper as I have friends who didn't want to lose their privacy so they prefer not having one.

In fact if your child is in preschool, do consider a FULL day one so you have a full day to yourself.

[sundaymorningstaple]

I see another who will be blaming it on the patriarchy and another failed union in the future. Surely she witnessed her mother when she was growing up and could see what being a Tradwife entailed.

[PNGMK]

I think my mother went through that - it's an age old thing.

[lalala88]

I see another who will be blaming it on the patriarchy and another failed union in the future. Surely she witnessed her mother when she was growing up and could see what being a Tradwife entailed.

@sundaymorningstaple are you referring "She" as our daughter?
Always just hope everything is getting better.

[PNGMK]

Women have an almost binary choice in life. Stay single (or very occasionally marry to someone who doesn't want kids), hence stay in reasonable condition with a career or more open choices but end life alone and childless or get married, have kids, lose their career, have their body often ruined by childbirth and become dependent on a man. Very few women choose the left hand side. Where I grew up we had a significant number of women who remained single as missionaries their entire life. They had purpose. We also had women who had married, had kids and were also happy. It's not about the kids and marriage.

[sundaymorningstaple]

I see another who will be blaming it on the patriarchy and another failed union in the future. Surely she witnessed her mother when she was growing up and could see what being a Tradwife entailed.

@sundaymorningstaple are you referring "She" as our daughter?
Always just hope everything is getting better.

No, I'm not. Just in a collective sense. But my "SHE" does encompass huge chunk of the the last two generations of those people born as a female at birth and haven't been neutered or sterilized, e.g., still fertile females (biologically). Over 60% of those two generations are opting out of marriage entirely. While I don't agree (I'm an OLD Boomer), I feel sorry at their end-of-life cycle when they will die alone and forgotten. It seems the world has become polarized one way or the other and the balance is now swinging in a direction that will be the end of the human population on this dirtball floating through space. People no longer think in the collective sense of the word but only in the ME sense. I'm glad I'm 77 now and no longer need to worry about it. I just feel for my grandchildren, four of them between 3 & 9 years of age (2 of each gender) who will have to travel through the gender wars and the destruction that will be inflicted on the minds. I feel for those parents of today that have young children (Like my two kids) having to tiptoe through the gender minefields every time they walk out of the house. Or if their children will become indoctrinated in school by some deranged teacher trying to change their beliefs. Me? I don't intend on trying to remember freaking pronouns, I have bad enough English as it is. My pronouns are implied on my birth certificate and will remain that way. Sorry for my rant. I see the world going to hell in a tin cup, truth be known.

[malcontent]

I can understand the OP’s sentiments as my wife has expressed similar sentiments over the years post-kids… and this is despite my wife having full-time live-in help the whole time, and she was raised in a strong, traditional family environment.

Now that our kids are both in college, my wife has never questioned whether it was worth it. Having kids is probably the biggest sacrifice you will make in life, but also the most rewarding. That said, having a helper is BIG, the only downside is you won’t get the same amount of bonding time, which is a shame, but not really life changing TBH.